


when we're alone it's like we're home

by mypage



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Basketball Player Lee Jeno, Coming of Age, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Inspired by The Half of It (2020), M/M, Pining, Polyamory, Romance, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:09:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 30,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27800545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mypage/pseuds/mypage
Summary: Renjun looks up at Jeno slowly, swallowing hard. “What the hell is this?”Jeno coughs. “A love letter. I want to write Jaemin a love letter.”
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno, Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin, Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin, Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Comments: 44
Kudos: 375
Collections: NRMFF2020





	when we're alone it's like we're home

**Author's Note:**

> for prompt #59.

“Really, no discount for me, Huang?” 

“No. So either you pay or I’ll tear this essay up.”

“Sheesh, can’t even joke around with you these days?”

Renjun throws Donghyuck a glare, stretching his palm out for the payment. "No discounts even for friends. Pay up, Lee." 

Donghyuck smirks as he reaches for the money on the inside pocket of his varsity jacket. "I'm just kidding. Here you go." 

Renjun accepts the payment and hands over the folder containing the essay Donghyuck needed to be written. "You're welcome." 

"You should really loosen up, Renjun. You're always so stressed. Why don't you come to the baseball game on Friday? It will be fun, really." Donghyuck comments while he stashes the payment in his pockets. 

Renjun rolls his eyes. "I know you're just looking out for me but," he pauses, hauling his backpack on his shoulders, "I'm totally fine. You don't have to worry about me. Go do whatever you jocks do." 

"What?" Donghyuck asks, flabbergasted—but before he can even retaliate, Renjun is already out of the school. 

Renjun doesn’t care for social gatherings or sports events. There are far more important things in life than meddling with a crowd of people. He has to go to university, make enough money for it and sustain himself. 

Life is hard.

That’s something that Renjun has come to learn since moving into the small town of Meju Bay. It’s a sprawling coastal town, with little to no activity. A dead end town where everyone knows everyone, Renjun doesn’t like it here⏤but he cannot really complain. 

It’s not like he has a choice⏤but he has the option of waiting it out for the future. And, while he waits, he’s going to do his best and not ruin his chance of going to his dream university⏤halfway across the country.

The walk home from school is uneventful as it always is. Despite everything else, Renjun likes the peaceful walk from home. His mom, who got relocated as a nurse at the Meju Hospital, gets home late at night. So even as he gets home late, Renjun has the house all to himself. From the moment he gets out of school to the moment his mother comes home from work, Renjun is all by himself.

Today, though, seems different. 

He’s used to walking alone and Meju Bay is a small town, there isn’t really any threat coming to harm him. And if there ever is, Renjun knows basic self-defense that his mother made him take when he was ten. 

And he feels the shift in the air.

His footsteps are heavy as he trudges the gravel. He can feel it, someone is walking behind him. Not too far to keep him in sight, but far enough so it’s not obvious. But Renjun is sensitive to these things.

Without thinking much, Renjun locks his knees and turns around, his fists in front of him to protect him. And even though he tries to not fear, his eyes close instinctively just so he can face whoever this is. In his fight or flight instinct, the _fight_ wins. He just hopes it’s worth it.

“Why are you following me?! Do you want to die?!”

“No! It’s me, I’m Jeno!” 

Renjun opens his eyes, but keeps his fists in front of him in his fighting stance. “What? Why the fuck are you following me?”

Jeno is indeed there, standing in front of him looking the most bashful he’s ever seen him. Jeno is part of the school’s basketball team, and the last person he’ll ever think that will follow him home. He didn’t even know Jeno knew he existed. Until today.

“Speak or I’ll punch you. I know martial arts.”

Jeno puts his palms up in surrender, looking so innocent that Renjun might just put his fists down. He doesn’t really think much of Jeno, or much of anyone, he just thinks that he’s one of those jocks⏤not much substance or anything. 

“Chill. I’m just… I need you to write something for me. I’ll pay, I promise.”

Renjun rolls his eyes and finally relaxes, putting his fists down to his sides. “You could have started with that? Why did you even follow me? You could have told me at school.”

Jeno’s ears are burning red, and Renjun is now curiouser than ever. “It’s… personal. I don’t want anyone at school knowing what I want you to write for me.”

“Someone has paid me to write their admissions essays for them, I don’t think anything can be more embarrassing than that. I’ve had people tell me their entire life story for those essays.” Renjun crosses his arms and narrows his eyes at Jeno. If he is this embarrassed about it, how _bad_ can the piece be?

Jeno inhales, then exhales. He procures something from his backpack, a piece of crumpled paper and shoves it into Renjun’s hands. 

Renjun raises a brow, looks at the piece of paper suspiciously as he unfurls it. “What is this?”

“Just read it, and you’ll know.”

So, Renjun reads it.

_To. Na Jaemin, most beautiful boy in the world._

_I know you don’t like me. And I know that you can get with any person you want. But I really like you. So I hope that you can give me a chance._

_Can I ask you on a date?_

A lump forms in his throat for a multitude of reasons. 

Renjun looks up at Jeno slowly, swallowing hard. “What the hell is this?”

Jeno coughs. “A love letter. I want to write Jaemin a love letter.”

“I don’t write love letters. I can do essays, poems, research papers but I draw the line at love letters.” Renjun states pointedly, crumpling the piece of paper back into its previous ball and tossing it over to Jeno. 

Jeno catches it in midair, frowning. “But I really like Jaemin. I’ve liked him for so long⏤and we’re graduating, and I just want to let him know how I feel. I need to know if I have a chance, I have to shoot my shot.”

_But I really like Jaemin._

Renjun understands that. Jaemin is kind, has the prettiest eyes that Renjun has ever seen. He doesn’t know him well, but often he catches himself staring at Jaemin when the lectures are long and winding. Sometimes, he’ll bump against Jaemin when passing through the hallways and Jaemin will stop him by his elbows, ask if he’s okay and worriedly check for any injuries. Sometimes, Jaemin stands next to him at line for lunch, and asks if he likes strawberry milk. Renjun says he does and Jaemin proceeds to give him his box of strawberry milk.

He has those little, but impactful interactions with Jaemin, possibly the most popular guy at school. And, really, he doesn’t blame Jeno for wanting to write love letters for him. He’s the kind of person that people sing love songs for, the kind of people that people will perform soliloquies for. 

But the thing is⏤he doesn’t know if _he_ can write love letters, moreso for Jaemin.

“I’ll pay you good money, name your price. I’ll do it. I heard you write really good and I don’t want to mess this up.” Jeno says sincerely, his eyes shining as he speaks. 

And, as much as Renjun wants to help Jeno out⏤this is way above his pay grade. 

“Sorry,” he says, shaking his head as he turns on his heels to walk home, “I don’t write love letters.”

When he gets home, Renjun starts boiling water to make tea. He also takes the chicken out of the fridge and then lies down on the couch.

His mom won’t be home until late. He can start on homework, or maybe work on that essay that Jisung needs to be written before the weekend. But he can’t, really. There’s just so much on his mind now after that encounter with Jeno on the way home.

It’s the first time someone has asked him to write a love letter. Sure, he has written romance for his creative writing classes, but it’s different⏤having these words addressed to someone so fondly, expressing your sincerest feelings for them in ways that have never been done before. 

It’s way different than what he’s used to.

He knows he can’t do it justice, no matter how much Jeno promises to pay or how much Jeno bribes him. It’s just _too_ personal. He doesn’t want to fake feelings, he doesn’t want to pretend to have feelings for Jaemin just so he can write these love letters.

Then again, isn’t that the essence of being a ghost writer? 

Renjun tosses around on the couch, turning and finding a good position as he stares at his phone. In his screen, he has Jaemin’s instagram profile on. Jaemin’s photos look very well curated, showing a side of him that most people know him for. 

His feed is full of picturesque sceneries, photos of him posing by the beach, photos of him hiking. He looks like the poster child of Meju Bay, fated to stay here forever in the perfect picture of the child who was born here, and of an adult who will create their life here. He finds the thought of dying in the same town you were born in quite miserable. It’s definitely not the kind of life he wants to live for himself.

He wonders if it’s what Jaemin wants for himself. 

And then, there’s Jeno.

Jeno is known for being part of the basketball team. Scrolling over to his profile, there really isn’t much except for group pictures of the varsity team during games and practice. His face is barely seen in the photos, but he posts them anyway.

He heard from Donghyuck once that Jeno has plans of playing professionally once they’re out of high school. But he can’t really recall if that’s accurate information because he doesn’t listen to Donghyuck’s gossip most of the time. 

He likes having Donghyuck around, as unfortunate as that may sound. They’re in different friend groups, but Donghyuck sits with him during lunch and annoys him when they sit next to each other for their classes. He’s the only person he can really call his friend in Meju Bay, and he’s grateful for that. Sometimes though, he wishes Donghyuck wouldn’t talk to him about Jeno, or Jaemin, or any other people for that matter. It makes him feel inclined to care about them.

If this is really Jeno’s last chance to get with Jaemin, and if he is really leaving town to play professionally, something inside Renjun is telling him to help Jeno get with Jaemin.

Plus, doesn’t Jaemin deserve the entire world, anyway? If someone like Jeno, who’s clumsy but genuine, wants to write him love letters⏤and in a way, Renjun can help get this relationship into fruition. Wouldn’t it be a crime to not help?

Before Renjun gets too deep into his thoughts, the kettle comes into a boil and Renjun hauls himself up from the couch.

That’s a dilemma for tomorrow’s Renjun to solve. 

Renjun quickly stashes his books into his bag as soon as the class is over, holding some books that don’t fit in the bag in his arms. The sooner he can get home, the better. He has spent the entire day avoiding Lee Jeno. And it seems like their school is suddenly too small for two people. 

He has run into Jeno multiple times this morning, and he even had to hide in a bathroom cubicle until Jeno disappeared. He doesn’t know exactly why he’s avoiding him⏤when he’s the one who is _keeping_ Jeno’s secret. 

But maybe, that’s why he’s been hiding. He is keeping Jeno’s secret⏤and he isn’t sure how Jeno will treat him now that he knows about it. 

Jeno is tall, filled out in all the right places due to his basketball training. Renjun can run fast but Jeno has made it seem like it’s his most special skill. He has seen a couple basketball games, truthfully, more than he ever intends to watch. Jeno can outrun him, outpunch him, and probably overthrow him. Renjun has some defense skills, but he doesn’t want to see it tested against Jeno’s brute strength.

Then again, can Jeno even hurt a fly?

It’s not like Jeno is going to harm him for not agreeing to write his love letters for him, right?

Right?

He shudders, the thought of having Jeno completely annihilate him is just very… intrusive to say the least. He has never thought of Jeno before, and he certainly isn’t going to think about him now. 

Renjun walks through the crowd of students, his things held close to his chest. In his haste, he inadvertently bumps against someone⏤his things clattering to the floor.

“Fuck,” he curses under his breath, immediately crouching down to collect his things. 

Can this day get any worse?

“Sorry,” the person who bumped into him apologizes, and Renjun tenses all over at the familiarity of the voice. 

When he looks up from his books, there’s Na Jaemin himself with a bashful, apologetic smile. He’s picking up Renjun’s things too.

“It’s okay,” he retracts quickly, feeling embarrassed for cursing at Jaemin. Jaemin hands him his book, and smiles. It’s blinding, the way he flashes his teeth at him. Renjun fears for his life for a quick second, and after that, it’s all washed away by some kind of innate fondness he can’t even explain. “My fault.” See, innate fondness.

“No, it was mine. Was distracted.” Jaemin claims, sounding like an angel. 

Renjun gives him a tight-lipped smile, every nerve on his body is on edge being in the presence of Jaemin. He grabs his book from him, and almost bites his tongue when Jaemin holds his hand to help him stand up.

See, Renjun is fully capable of standing up, but he won’t lie and say that the warmth in his hands didn’t give him any sort of feelings.

Because it did.

“Are you okay? Did you hurt yourself?” Jaemin asks worriedly, his eyebrows knitting in the middle of his forehead as he inspects Renjun for any injuries.

It’s not a bad fall, and Renjun knows how to take a fall, still he allows Jaemin to check on him.

“I’m fine.” He clears his throat, adjusting his jacket as soon as Jaemin lets go of him. He tries to make eye contact, but it’s almost like Jaemin is too bright for him to directly look at. It almost feels like a sin to look him in the eye. Almost as if he isn’t worthy. “It was my fault, head in the clouds.”

Jaemin nods, looks at him for a few seconds and then gestures to the book in his hands. “You’re reading Love, Eternal too?” 

Renjun raises a brow, he’s lost for a moment⏤then catches on quickly when Jaemin raises a brow at the book he handed him. “Oh!” He muses. “Yeah, I’m rereading it. It’s my favorite book.”

“Mine too!” Jaemin’s face lights up at that information. And, although Renjun has been observing Jaemin for some time⏤it comes as a surprise to him.

But before he can even ask, Jaemin is whisked away by his arm by one of his friends. 

As he gets whisked away past Renjun, Jaemin calls out to him. “Maybe you can tell me what you think about it sometime? Take care on your way home, Renjunnie!” 

Renjun watches there, standing in the middle of a crowded room as everything slows down on Jaemin’s fading back. It’s like a cliche high school movie, where everything blurs out into the background view and all he can see is Jaemin. _It’s so cliched._

Jaemin is so fucking kind, so likeable, so lovable. He deserves the best of everything. It’s definitely a _crime_ to not help Jeno get with him.

Fuck, he’s fucked. 

Finding Lee Jeno after school is easy, to say the least.

Everyone knows Jeno, and everyone knows where the gym is. While Donghyuck practices baseball on the field, Jeno is here on the basketball court.

So, yes, it’s easy to find Lee Jeno. The thing is, it’s hard to get him alone.

There is no way that Renjun is going to sit in the bleachers and watch the game. He’s not a stranger to sports, but he just cannot stand the thought of being seen sitting in the gym watching basketball practice.

It hurts his pride too much. Instead, Renjun settles to wait by the lockers outside the gym doors. He has, well, connections to the team due to the amount of essays he has written for some of the members. Hence, it’s not that hard to have them tell him when practice ends.

Of course, he can just ask them to tell Jeno he’s looking for him⏤but that’s not really his style.

He knows they’ll be training for some time, so Renjun goes out of the school for a bit to buy some snacks⏤gives him time to ponder why the hell is he doing this.

Renjun just wants to give Jaemin the best. That really is all there is to it. 

And in this deadbeat town, Renjun can’t deny that writing love letters is one of the best ways to show affection.

So, yeah, he’ll help Jeno.

He’s really in it now.

He tosses the empty wrapper of his chocopie into the nearby bin, and just as he does, the door to the gymnasium opens. 

A troop of boys exit loudly from the gymnasium, and Renjun scrunches his nose at the pungent stench of sweat. How can people be so happy and loud while smelling like that? 

He doesn’t see Jeno immediately, but sees the person he asked about the training time so he hides behind the lockers and waits.

Finally, and as it looks like, he’s the last person to exit out of the gymnasium. As Jeno locks the gym door behind him, Renjun makes a run for it.

He grabs him by the wrist and leads him down the hallway away from where his teammates are headed. There’s a look of understandable surprise in Jeno’s face, and when Renjun pushes him up against a locker⏤there is a very distinct blush on the apples of his cheeks.

Must be from the workout. 

“Meet me tomorrow after class,” he says, fisting Jeno’s collar, “but you pay now.” He lets go of him then, stepping back when he realizes how actually close their faces are. 

Jeno sputters, clearing his throat as he hastily fishes his wallet out from his bag. “H-how much then?”

“Fifty-thousand won.” He states, holding his hand out. “For now. I’ll ask for a second payment soon depending on how long this goes on for.”

Jeno nods and hands him the money. Renjun pockets it, coughs a little and straightens out his shirt. “Nice doing business with you. Remember, tomorrow, after class⏤behind the old library. Got it?”

“Got it.” Jeno only says, still seemingly dazed from that encounter and Renjun understands. He wonders if he’s being a little too over dramatic about this. 

“You smell, make sure you shower before you meet me.” He bites, looking Jeno up and down⏤who has a certain boyish charm to him in his basketball shorts. 

Jeno blinks. “I did shower.”

Renjun shakes his head. “Shower harder. It’s part of the deal now. I’m going to help you date Jaemin.”

“I wash up well!” Jeno argues, but Renjun is already walking away, waving at him. 

He hears Jeno’s footsteps catch up to him, heavy but calculated, as if with each step he takes closer to Renjun is one step closer to danger. He’s not entirely wrong about that. 

“What made you change your mind?” They’re walking next to each other now, outside of the school building and into the lot. The sun has completely set and the moon peeks over the clouds. The streetlamps have been lit and Renjun knows it’s going to be a long way home.

He shrugs. “Personal reasons.”

It’s annoying to him how he can practically hear Jeno’s smile in his next words. “Thank you, man. I really appreciate it.”

“Don’t be too thankful, you’re paying me for it.”

The plan is this: get Jaemin interested in Jeno.

Since agreeing to the deal with Jeno, Renjun has been spending an awful amount of time with Jeno. It hasn't been too bad, and Renjun ends up surprised at how Jeno has an actual personality outside of being a basketball player.

True that he's always known that Jeno is nice, kind, cannot hurt a fly⏤but he just never expected to be laughing at his dry jokes and even being convinced that they share the same kind of humor. Other than his innate kindness, there's a lot of interesting sides in Jeno. He has cats, lives with his sister and her wife, wants to play basketball nationally, exceptionally good at math but not that interested in literature. That must be his one flaw, really.

Because Jaemin likes literature, likes reading books, likes poets and likes words strung together beautifully. But Jeno doesn't have that, and that's where Renjun comes into the picture.

Renjun proposed that they don't write Jaemin a full-blown love letter yet, because there's just no style in that. They're not Victorian men, there's a way to do these things and Renjun has decided that they're going to drop _'Jeno's'_ phone number in a secret admirer note, and if Jaemin texts back, it means he's interested in him too.

Jeno wonders, questions even, if it's going to work and how it's going to work.

Renjun is confident that it will.

The note contains a reference from the book Love, Eternal. The book that he and Jaemin are both interested in. If it's Jaemin's favorite book and if he likes it as much as he told Renjun that one time, then it should work.

"Here," Renjun says as he hands the folded note to Jeno. It's a few minutes before school starts, and they're meeting secretly a block away from the school. They don't want to raise suspicions, of course, because he really doesn't have any explanation for why he's hanging out with Jeno recently. And if Donghyuck learns of this, he won't hear the end of it.

"What am I supposed to do with this?" Jeno asks, unfolding the paper and frowning when he reads it. "What do you mean by _if the wind calls, you have to call back._ That doesn't even make sense?"

Renjun flicks him on the forehead, causing Jeno to rub the spot that he hit, whining. "Put it in Jaemin's locker, but make sure no one sees you or it's going to ruin the whole secret admirer thing. Plus, it doesn't make sense to you because you don't read! It's a line from Jaemin's favorite book, he's going to understand it."

Jeno presses his lips together, and in that moment of hesitation, Renjun grabs the note from him. "Do you not trust me?"

Jeno shakes his head, takes the note back from him and exhales. "No, I trust you."

Renjun smiles. "Good, and when he sees it, he's going to text us and then. We start."

"Your confidence is terrifying." Jeno comments.

"I just want to get this over with, Jeno. And if I'm not confident in this, who else will be?" He says in a matter-of-factly tone.

Jeno shrugs. "You're right, again."

"Of course, now go deliver the letter, lover boy."

He watches as Jeno goes into the school gates, and Renjun waits for a couple of minutes before entering the premises himself. Just as he’s about to leave, he feels someone tap on his back⏤and then, “boo!”

“Ah!” Renjun jumps around, ready to fight whoever it is that has tried to catch him off guard. “What the fuck⏤“

“Hi,” Jaemin smiles at him, raising his hand up slightly to wave at him, “who are you spying on?” Jaemin asks curiously, his big eyes wide as he looks around. “Everything okay?”

Renjun gulps, nods his head and regains his composure. “Everything is good. I’m not spying on anyone.” He explains, quickly looking over his shoulder to make sure that Jeno is out of sight. “What are you doing here?”

“I study here?” Jaemin answers jokingly. “I come to school early.” He explains. “Why are you hanging here?”

Renjun doesn’t have an answer to that. “No reason.” He attempts, but fails, because Jaemin doesn’t seem to believe that. He clears his throat and adjusts the strap of his bag on his shoulder. “I’ll go now. Bye.”

He doesn’t turn to look back at Jaemin.

As expected, by the time lunch time comes around, Jaemin texts the number.

The number leads to a phone number that is neither his nor Jeno's, it's connected to a spare phone that Renjun asked of Jeno. This is what they're going to use to text Jaemin, to create the connection between him and Jaemin perfectly. But of course, Renjun is going to ghostwrite the text messages.

See, Jeno is a good person, he just needs some help and boost when it comes to having good words.

His feelings for Jaemin are genuine, he just needs Renjun to come and... polish it for him. It's not like Renjun is pulling things out of his ass, Jeno does provide the foundation of everything. He has listened to Jeno talk about Jaemin for so much that in part, it almost feels as though he can feel what Jeno is feeling.

That's just something he has to dig into for another day, because now, Jaemin has texted them back and this is the make it or break it moment. It's either he impresses Jaemin, or it's all going down the drain. He doesn't want to pay Jeno back too if this fails, he's already sent the money into his savings account.

**JAEMIN** **  
** so... love eternal, huh? i didn't know people in this school read that book

 **YOU**  
You have to put some trust in the people around you. chapter 4, page 239

 **JAEMIN**  
wow you're seriously quoting it back to me?

 **YOU**  
Do you not like it?

 **JAEMIN**  
i do, actually... i'm quite intrigued do i know you?

 **YOU**  
You may, or may not know me. But I know you.  
That's the thing about secret admirers, isn't it?

 **JAEMIN** **  
** secret admirers... in this day and age it's an unusual thing  
can't say i've experienced this before

 **YOU**  
Of course, you deserve better than boring conversations.  
I'm really happy you texted back, for a moment, I thought it wouldn't work.

 **JAEMIN** **  
** well you have to put some trust in the people around you :)

 **YOU**  
Touché.  
You got me there.

 **JAEMIN**  
i did, didn't i?  
it's pretty clever, i must say i feel like i know you

 **YOU**  
Hm. Is that so? I won't ask you to guess but, I'm not who you may think I am.

 **JAEMIN**  
oh. mysterious? i like it.

 **YOU**  
that's good enough for me.

 **JAEMIN**  
wait what should i save your number under?

 **YOU**  
That is entirely up to you. I'm fine with anything.

 **JAEMIN**  
fine. really, not even a nickname?

 **YOU**  
Nope, must keep the mystery part of it.  
Where's the fun in that if you know everything right off the bat, right?

 **JAEMIN**  
if you put it that way... i just hope you're cute

 **YOU**  
You have to put some trust in the people around you. I am... fine.

 **JAEMIN**  
god is this quote going to be lived down?

 **YOU**  
Maybe.  
You'll just have to stick long enough to find out.

 **JAEMIN**  
huh that's up to you if you keep me interested

 **YOU**  
Oh, I hope so.

 **JAEMIN**  
:)  
cool talk to you later, lover boy. wait, are you a boy?  
i'm gay. just thought i should get that out there before anything happens.

 **YOU**  
Yes, yes. I know, I'm aware. I'm gay too.

 **JAEMIN**  
nice nice at least that's two things we have in common now heh

 **YOU** **  
** Of course, yes. Well. That's the bell. Talk to you later, Jaemin.

 **JAEMIN**  
talk to you later, lover boy. :)

Renjun finds Jeno excitedly after class.

It's easier to find Jeno now, they've hung out long enough and often enough for them to have a meeting spot. It's a block away from school premises, where people don't really pass by. It's on the way to Renjun's house, away from where the neighborhood where most of the school kids live so it's really the perfect spot.

"Jeno!" Renjun calls to him, running up as Jeno stands up from the seat in the bus stop.

Jeno looks confused, a little surprised and Renjun runs up to him with the spare phone waving around in a hand. "He replied! He replied! Phase One is done, Jeno!"

The expression on Jeno's face stretches into a smile. Renjun hands him the phone, and he waits, bouncing on the balls of his feet as Jeno reads through the text messages.

"See? It totally worked. If it was your letter we slipped into his locker instead, I bet it'd be tossed into the garbage⏤"

"Thank you."

In a second, Jeno has wrapped his arms around Renjun's waist in a tight hug. His chin is tucked on Renjun's shoulder, and Renjun can feel the rising and falling of Jeno's chest as he breathes.

_What the fuck._

"J-Jeno?" Renjun asks, his arms hanging at his sides, unsure how to react to the sudden hug.

"Thank you, for helping me." Jeno elaborates, as if that is enough explanation for the sudden hug. It probably is, but Renjun is just not used to this kind of physical affection from anyone.

He blames the thumping of his heart to that, he's just... inexperienced. It's not because of Jeno at all.

Renjun pushes him away by his shoulders, blinking as he stares at him. "I... yeah, don't thank me. You're paying for this... I just want to give you the best service, you know?"

Jeno smiles still, even with that polite rejection. "Still," he insists, giving him back the phone, "thank you. I wouldn't have gotten this far if not for you."

"God." Renjun punches him on the shoulder playfully. "Leave the being sappy to me, please. C'mon. Treat me dinner!"

Jeno laughs, throws his arm over Renjun's shoulder as they walk the direction of Renjun's house. "Sure, what do you want? It's on me tonight!"

Everything goes well after that first exchange of messages with Jaemin.

He's been texting with Jaemin for a couple of weeks now, talking about things like their common interests, like books and movies and music. Each time he learns something new about Jaemin, he passes it on to Jeno who promises to study everything after his basketball practice.

It's been exciting, thrilling. And even though it's not him that Jaemin is interested in, even though it's Jeno that's going to date Jaemin (eventually, if things go well), he still can't help but feel those flutters of butterflies when he talks to Jaemin.

He wonders if it's wrong, wrong to feel like this, wrong to feel romantic excitement for Jaemin when he's helping Jeno for it. It probably is, and he should probably stop. He doesn't want to betray Jeno, doesn't want to fool himself into thinking that Jaemin can even be interested in someone like him.

He has to remind himself all the time that it's Jeno and Jaemin in the end. He has to remind himself that he is just bridging the gap between them until such time that Jeno is confident and trained enough to meet with Jaemin and reveal his identity.

The lines blur very quickly though when he's spending all this time talking to Jaemin _and_ talking to Jeno too. It's a confusing position.

It's a Saturday today, and Jeno has invited Renjun over to his house because he has some ideas on how to push his (their?) relationship with Jaemin forward.

Renjun is a bit timid. He's been to Jeno's house for a couple of times now, but during all those times, Jeno has come with him so it's not awkward to step inside the house. But today, Jeno has deemed that it's enough times for him to come over to the house by himself.

He knocks at the door, shuffling his feet as he looks up at the window of Jeno's bedroom. He's been here before, but it's so nerve-wracking.

The door opens a few seconds after his first knock, and it reveals Jeno's older sister, Miyoung with a bright smile. "Renjun!" She greets him, as bright as ever, her smile reminds him of Jeno.

"Hi," he greets back, allowing himself to be pulled into a hug. It must be a family thing, something associated with their genetics.

Miyoung pulls away, still beaming. "You here for Jeno? He's right upstairs. You know how to find him. Sooyoung's making food for dinner, you'll stay for dinner won't you?"

Jeno lives with his sister and her wife, and they're definitely the loveliest couple that Renjun has met in a while. Their parents had passed away a few years prior, and while it's something that Jeno doesn't like talking about, he has assured Renjun that he's doing just fine with having his sister and her wife around.

With the way they treat each other, and with what Renjun has seen so far, he doesn't doubt that.

"I'm not sure if I can stay for dinner but thank you very much for the offer." He says, bowing his head slightly as Miyoung ushers him inside.

Miyoung leaves him to himself, disappearing into the kitchen. Renjun makes his way up to Jeno's room. It's on the second floor, the second door to the right. He remembers this very well now.

He knocks on the door, calls for Jeno's name and he opens it only when Jeno responds. He's not really up for any embarrassment at this time of the day.

"Hi," he greets when he opens the door, and there's Jeno on his desk, a guitar cradled in his arms. He looks like he has just freshly showered and Renjun is understandably confused.

"What?" He asks, closing the door behind him. "Why do you have a guitar?"

"I've been practicing." He says, pulling another chair for Renjun to sit on.

Renjun puts his bag on the bed, and sits on the chair Jeno has offered. "What? You can play the guitar? What are you practicing?"

Jeno turns his chair to him, strums his guitar once and smiles at Renjun. "I've been practicing playing the guitar. I learned how to play when I was in middle school, but I started basketball around the time so I've forgotten some things."

Renjun blinks, watches as Jeno's fingers fiddle with the strings, listens as Jeno strums chords that he barely recognizes. He raises his brow at him, crossing his arms over his chest as he looks at Jeno get into the mood. "Did you come and ask me here to serenade me? I'm not the one you have to seduce, you know."

Jeno almost drops his guitar at that. "I'm not, no! It's not for you, it's... for Jaemin. I was thinking that, maybe we can ask him on a date now? I mean, we've been talking for some time now right? And I read all the books, listened to all the songs and watched all the movies. I think I can meet him for real."

Renjun blinks, once, twice. "You want to go on a date with him?"

"Yeah." Jeno nods. "Isn't that the point of all this? I mean... it's been weeks, and don't get me wrong, I get excited when he texts us back but... I want to meet him. As myself, not as an extension of you."

Renjun tenses at that, realizes how this must all feel and look like at Jeno's point of view. "Oh..."

"No, no. Don't look at me like that. You've helped me out a lot, you really helped me learn a lot about him and you helped me like the things that he likes. But now, I think I'm ready to let him know about me too, you know? The things that I like, who I am. I think I can hold a conversation with him."

Renjun swallows hard. When it all turns out good during that date, then what comes after that is the end of the deal with Jeno. Don't get him wrong, sure, the pay is good and Jeno is never complaining with whatever Renjun offers⏤but something about _all this_ ending makes Renjun dread it.

He nods though, sees things from Jeno's point of view. It must have been frustrating just waiting for Renjun to toss him information, to show him text message, to essentially tutor him on Na Jaemin 101. Maybe, his student is ready for it.

"Well. If you want to go on a date with Jaemin, drop the fucking guitar." Renjun jokes, grabbing the guitar from Jeno and cradling it into his own arms.

Jeno laughs with him. "Fine, no serenade then." He says, nudging him with his foot a little.

Renjun leans back on the chair, strums the guitar idly. "So, how do you wanna go about the date with Jaemin?"

"Well... I have a few ideas."

He's long realized that he and Jeno are a tag team. A duo of sorts, so when the day of the date finally comes, he suddenly feels alone. He's been around Jeno after school, even on the weekends, hunched over the phone and talking to Jaemin. And now that Renjun isn't involved, it feels unsettling.

Jaemin has been lovely, funny, kind and everything and more than he ever imagined in his head. He has had a couple of interactions with Jaemin in real life, but each time, Renjun finds himself running away. It almost feels wrong to be so near him.

The date tonight is all Jeno's idea. Renjun had suggestions, but Jeno gave him that look and Renjun understood that Jeno wants this to be all him this time. And Renjun trusts him. Sure, they've worked hard together to get here but in the end⏤it's Jeno that will be with Jaemin. It's Jeno that will have Jaemin alone.

He knows this, has known this since the very first day and yet⏤why does it make him feel so... left out?

He's lying on the couch, his mom is home and she's making dinner. Some show is playing on the television but he isn't really paying any attention anymore. All he can think about are the ignored text messages he's sending to Jeno, asking him things about the date. He's been anxiously waiting for his phone screen to light up with a message from Jeno, in case he has a question⏤but nothing.

They must be having fun.

"Sweetheart, if you don't want to watch TV, please turn it off."

It takes a few seconds before he responds to his mom, he rolls off the couch and reaches for the remote on the coffee table to turn it off. He puts it back down, pushes himself up to his feet and makes his way to the kitchen.

"What are you making?" He asks, waddling over to her side and watches as she works. She's making steamed buns.

"Your favorite." She answers, turning to him with a smile. "Is everything okay, sweetheart? You seem unwell." Her smile falls then, the back of her hand coming to feel his forehead for his temperature.

Renjun nods. "I'm okay, just a little hungry."

She turns the tap on, washes her hands and really looks at him. "Are you sure?" She asks, cupping Renjun's cheeks in both hands and squishing them together. "I know when my baby is upset, c'mon. Tell me what's wrong?"

Renjun exhales, holding her wrists as she continues to hold his cheeks like that. He doesn't really like emotional things like this, or emotional talks, but it's his mom. There's no way he can say no to him.

He always got the more emotional and creative side of him from his dad, who was a writer too. But since he passed when he was very young, it had only been him and his mom. His mom was more analytical, more rational and always had a way to unspool his emotions. She has always been Renjun's rock, and now that he's going through something like this, he knows that his mom knows. He can't even hide it from her.

"It's complicated." He sighs, closing his eyes. "I feel left out."

Without telling her the context, because he knows that he's going to get scolded and she will definitely get a headache when she learns the entire situation⏤that's the best way Renjun can tell his mom everything.

"And why is that?" She asks, because she knows that Renjun has all the answers in him. It's just a matter of making him realize it.

It's frustrating to have a mom that knows everything about him. Because then, Renjun already knows what's wrong⏤it's just up to him to do something about it.

"It's just... a friend thing, and we've always done things together and suddenly, we're not doing anything together anymore? So I just feel a little... I dunno... confused that I'm not part of that thing anymore."

She tilts her head to the side. "Donghyuck?"

Renjun laughs, shaking his head as she releases his cheeks to go back to her steamed buns. "No, not Donghyuck." He says. His mom has always loved Donghyuck, because Donghyuck has always been there for him even in moments he doesn't want him to be.

"Oh," she muses, "it's Jeno, then?"

Renjun feels his ears burn. His mom has met Jeno a few times, but has never had a full conversation with him as far as he knows. He's not really surprised that she remembers his name. He doesn't introduce a lot of friends to her.

"Yeah, Jeno." He says bashfully, rubbing the back of his neck as he leans against the sink. "There's just something that happened... We both agreed on it, but now I just ended up feeling left out because we've always done it together. Dunno, it doesn't make sense."

She listens to him, and Renjun watches as she continues to make dinner. "You know what I always say, darling."

Renjun washes his hands and helps his mom in making steamed buns too. He's not as experienced as he is, but he has grown up watching her make this dish, so he has some experience under his belt. They're not as pretty as his mom's though. "My feelings are always valid but it doesn't mean I'm always reacting correctly to the situation."

"That's right," she says, "you have to sit back and assess the situation. Why am I feeling like this? You have to find the root of your emotions, and only then can you know what you need to do next."

As always, she's right, but Renjun is stubborn. A part of him already knows the root of his emotions, but he doesn't have the courage to admit it to anyone, most especially to himself.

"Talk to Jeno about it, yeah?" His mom says, turning to him as he finishes the last dumpling, adding it to her earlier pile.

Renjun swallows. He doesn't know how to talk to Jeno about it, doesn't even know how to properly address it yet. But it'll come to him. Like most words do, everything will come to him eventually.

"I'll try my best."

"Good boy, come help me with the dumplings then."

**JAEMIN**  
thank you for today :)  
i really enjoyed it.

 **YOU**  
Don't mention it. I had fun too.

 **JAEMIN**  
i'm glad i don't usually kiss on the first date but you're different

 **YOU**  
Oh. I'm flattered. Was it a good kiss?

 **JAEMIN**  
are you really asking me this? omg

 **YOU**  
Just curious.

 **JAEMIN**  
of course it was who knew lee jeno was a good kisser?  
you know you're different when you text and different when in person

 **YOU** **  
** Is that a good thing? Or a bad thing?

 **JAEMIN**  
good thing i guess there are different sides of you im not sure which one i like best though might like them both

 **YOU**  
Well. Good. :) Sleep well tonight, okay?

 **JAEMIN**  
i think i will  
goodnight jeno sweet dreams

 **YOU**  
Sweet dreams

"Don't look at me like that." Jeno says, covering his face with his pillow when Renjun opens the door to his room. "Why are you looking at me like that?!"

Renjun laughs, throwing his head back as he closes the door behind him. "Looking at you like what?"

"I don't know." Jeno defends, taking the pillow away from his face as Renjun takes up the space next to him on the bed.

Renjun has given himself a pep talk before coming to Jeno's place today. He has convinced himself that he's not part of what Jeno and Jaemin share. Sure, he's involved, but he's only the bridge. Just that and only that.

"How'd it go?" He asks, rolling over to his side to face Jeno, props his elbow on the bed and rests his head against his palm. "I heard you kissed Jaemin."

Jeno _giggles_ at that, resting his head on his pillow and laying next to Renjun. Renjun hasn't fully realized how comfortable he has gotten with Jeno until today. If someone told Renjun a month ago that he'll be laying in one bed with Lee Jeno, he'd probably be terrified. But now, it just feels right, feels like everything has fallen into place.

He is exactly where he is supposed to be.

"It went well. I tried to talk to him about his favorite things, like we practiced but I kept fumbling, I kept getting nervous because he was just so _pretty,_ you know? Have you ever been around someone so pretty that when they're actually making eye contact with you and having a conversation with you, you just turn into a complete idiot?"

 _Yeah,_ Renjun thinks, _Jaemin has that kind of effect on people._

"Can't say I have, but yeah, I guess Jaemin does that to people?" He comments with a nod, watching as Jeno turns to face him this time. It's only now that Renjun realizes how close they actually are. He wonders if this is what friends do. He's never been this close to Donghyuck now that he's thinking about it.

Jeno sighs. "Yeah, and he kinda saw through the fact that I was nervous? He led the conversation, asked me a lot of things... but don't worry! It's things we've told him before, I just talked about it more passionately, I guess? I told him about basketball, told him how I wanted to pursue it as a career when we graduate. He really listened to me, Renjun. And, I've never had someone that listened to me like that."

Renjun raises a brow.

"Except _you,_ of course. It's such a wonderful feeling⏤having people that listened to my dreams and didn't think they were too far off, you know?"

Renjun nods. He understands that, it's not every day you get to meet someone who validates and treasures your dream as much as you do. He hasn't known Jeno for that long, but as he got to know Jeno through this deal that they had, Jeno also got to know him. And Renjun has never been happier that he decided to put some trust in the people around him.

"Yeah, I know." He says, reaching his hand over to push away the stray strand of hair from Jeno's face. It's a force of habit. "So, what happens next?"

"We went for a walk. He told me about how he wanted to get out of town too, but he said he thinks he's going to live the rest of his life here. Honestly, it was kind of? Sad? I guess? But I told him that the future isn't set in stone and he can still do a lot of things now to change his future." Jeno retells, and Renjun can see the emotions reflecting in Jeno's eyes as he talks.

He can only imagine how it feels like to be on that other end of the conversation. It's truly different when you aren't talking to someone through the defense of a phone screen. He wonders if Jeno felt vulnerable, Renjun can't even begin to put himself in Jeno's shoes.

"That's good, that's really good, Jen. I'm glad you didn't fumble this time."

Jeno laughs, propping himself on his elbow so that he's eye to eye with Renjun this time. "Of course, I learned a lot from you. I wouldn't have made it through that night if I didn't have your voice echoing in my head."

"But you did it by yourself this time! That's something, right?"

Jeno shrugs, certainly full of himself. "I guess so. We talked more and walked a bit more, I walked him home and... we kissed."

Renjun blinks, watches as red travels from Jeno's neck up to the tip of his ears. He wonders how it'd feel, to have someone hold you that close, to share that tender moment with someone and feel such affection for someone that all you could do was melt into their touch and kiss them.

He's only ever read about them, after all. It's not surprising he's romanticizing kisses like this.

The butterflies in his stomach flutter, picturing the image of Jeno and Jaemin kissing underneath the yellow streetlights. Everything around has blurred into the background, and it's just them, holding each other and lips pressed together in a kiss.

Truthfully, the image excites him more than he likes to admit.

"How did it feel? Kissing him?"

Jeno blinks, looks at him as if in disbelief and his lips stretch out in a slow smile.

"Did I say that out loud?"

"You did." Jeno is grinning now. "Have you ever kissed anyone?"

Is he too obvious? It's not like Renjun has had _any_ opportunity for him to kiss anyone. He's just too busy, too much of an introvert, keeps to himself too much. He never thought that kissing anyone was of any priority.

Until now.

“I have…?" He lies through his teeth, but knows that Jeno will see through it anyway.

Jeno bites down his grin, but it's not very effective. His voice is low when he speaks again, a glint of interest that Renjun hasn't seen before is now present. Since when did Jeno get this good at teasing him? “You’re not a very good liar.”

Renjun is fumbling now. He's always been the one that's good with words, _should_ be the one with the one with the strong rebuttals yet here he is, struggling to even find the words to defend himself.

In the end, he can't lie that hard to Jeno. Bashfully, his face red and averting eye contact, Renjun answers. “I haven’t! Fine, it doesn’t matter. Don’t answer the question then.”

Silence befalls the four corners of Jeno's room. He's used to mindless, comfortable silences with Jeno. Unlike this one, where everything feels heavy yet delicate and fragile at the same time. As if any slight movement can break the tension.

Jeno pokes at his cheek, until Renjun is looking up at him. Ever so silently, barely above a whisper, with that glint in his eyes, Jeno asks. “Do you wanna kiss?”

Renjun is flabbergasted at the question, but he can’t help the way his eyes travel down to the slope of Jeno’s nose, can’t help the way he imagines his nose bumping against his when they come close for a kiss. He can’t help but stare at his lips and wonder how they’d feel against his in the gentlest kiss.

Oh. He’s fucked, truly, _royally_ fucked.

He grabs the closest projectile to him, which is a stray pillow and chucks it straight towards Jeno's face. It doesn't miss, and sends Jeno pummeling backwards onto the bed. “Shut up.”

Jeno is laughing, whole-heartedly. He knows it's a joke, and it's something that he should take light-heartedly but he can't believe that for a moment, for a fraction of a second, he considered kissing Jeno.

What an absolutely abhorrent thought.

On top of the schoolwork, the essays his classmates are paying him to write, Renjun still texts Jaemin.

This is all with Jeno's consent of course. Jeno wants him to continue talking to Jaemin, because sometimes he's too busy for basketball and sometimes it's just easier to talk to Jaemin in person. Jeno still pays him handsomely, so he doesn't mind and he's trying to balance it all.

On the long list of things that Renjun has to tackle, he doesn't even know where to fit the blooming hint of feelings at the pit of his stomach. He just doesn't have enough time to do as his mother tells him. He'll keep putting it off for as long as he can. He just hopes that it doesn't catch up to him though and ends up biting him in the ass.

Jeno and Jaemin still go out on dates from time to time now, and truth to be told, Renjun doesn't see where he still fits in the equation but

He's over at Jeno's, doing homework on his desk while Jeno is out to help her sister at the family business. He came over earlier this morning for some _Jaemin_ talk and Renjun knew that it was going to take up the entire day, hence, he brought over his workload too just to start on them.

Halfway through hanging out with Jeno, his sister came up to ask Jeno to help him work at the business. Renjun wanted to leave but Jeno says he can stay until dinner if he wants to. So, out of courtesy, he stays.

Just... he's not expecting _this_ to happen while he tries to get through Physics.

"Hi?"

He looks up from his worksheets, tenses at the familiar voice and swallows his shriek when he sees who's standing at the doorway of Jeno's door.

There's Na Jaemin, in his off-duty model look standing by the door, looking as surprised as he is.

Oh no. This is bad. Very bad, indeed.

"Hi?" He greets back, gathering his things back into his bag haphazardly, clearing the mess in the desk and hopes that Jaemin doesn't ask further questions.

Jaemin blinks, watching him. "Renjun? What are you doing here?"

Just as he dreaded.

"I'm..." He mumbles, zipping his bag up and slinging it over his shoulders. "I was... um... I was hanging out with Jeno, and yeah, he left with his sister? I just... uh, yeah, was doing homework. I'm on the way home though. Yeah."

Jaemin nods. As ridiculous as it sounds, that's the truth... and he can't blame Jaemin for whatever he's thinking of right now. The only explanation, really, is that he has gotten far too comfortable with Jeno.

There are lines that shouldn't be crossed and he should remind himself of that.

"Cool." Jaemin smiles, stepping into the room. "His... other sister? His sister-in-law let me in, she said Jeno wasn't going to be back soon and I just wanted to drop off this gift for him."

Jaemin brings up the paper bag he has in his hands. "It's a hardbound edition of Love, Eternal. I know he's read it before but he told me he only has a PDF, not an actual copy. So, I thought it'd be good to give him a physical copy of the book? Is that good?"

Renjun glances at the paper bag, balls his hands into fists and nods. "Yeah, good... he'll love it, really."

For a moment, Jaemin's expression blanks, before it lights up again. "Hey, don't you like Love, Eternal too? It's not surprising you and Jeno are friends! We should form like a book club."

Renjun is astonished at how Jaemin remembered. "Yeah, I love it too. It's... something that helped me come to terms with my sexuality, you know?"

Jaemin nods, in full understanding. "Me too. Hey, we never got around to discussing it, no?"

He recalls back to the time he bumped into Jaemin, and the memory comes flooding in vivid pictures. Oh, how awkward was that encounter. It certainly isn't more awkward than this, though.

"Too busy, I guess?" He shrugs. "Well, um, I have to get going now."

"Oh yeah, sure." Jaemin says, places the paper bag of the book onto his desk.

With still the awkward tension in the air, Renjun walks past Jaemin and out of the door, Jaemin follows suit behind him.

"Uh, I'm going to say goodbye to Sooyoung noona, do you want to come with me?" Renjun offers, turning to Jaemin as they descend down the stairs. Suddenly, he's not very good with words again.

"Sure." Jaemin agrees. "It'll be rude not to."

So, they find Sooyoung in the backyard, tending to the plants. She offers that they stay for dinner but they deny politely. She lets them go eventually. He doesn't think he can survive an entire dinner with Jeno and Jaemin, with Jeno's sisters too.

Sooyoung shows them the way out, and once outside, Jaemin sparks a conversation again.

"Are you doing something today?"

Renjun turns to him, biting the inside of his cheek. "Just homework." He says nonchalantly, already at the edge of his seat because there has to be something, right? Jaemin isn't asking about his schedule just because?

"Why?" He follows up with the question, watching as Jaemin opens the door to the passenger seat of his car.

"Um," Jaemin hesitates for a moment, but the door is already open. "I really like Jeno." He starts, biting his bottom lip as he speaks out. Warmth blooms in Renjun's chest, but then there it is again, that nagging feeling he has been trying to push away.

He smiles, anyway. "That's good, he likes you too... a lot."

"Yes," Jaemin is smiling too, nodding. "But I feel as though... I need to get to know his friends too, right?"

Renjun nods. He's not wrong. Renjun believes that one of the best ways to get to know people, is to get to know their friends too. "Yeah? That's, that would be good, I think?"

"You know, he talks about you a lot and... you're like his best friend so... are you free to hang out today?" Jaemin seems almost bashful.

It's an interesting sight.

Renjun purses his lips, scratches the back of his head and weighs his options. He can go home, work on homework until dinner and work on homework some more when dinner is over. Or, he can put homework away for a few hours and hang out with Jaemin.

His mind is leaning towards the first option, and yet his heart goes out to the latter option.

"Sure, homework can wait for a little bit, right?"

"Nice!"

Getting into Jaemin's car isn't one of the ways Renjun has ever thought that he would get butterflies in his stomach.

Jaemin says they're going for a drive around town, and that he wants to show him his favorite spot in town. He has taken Jeno here for a date, and he says that there's nothing more perfect than _this_ spot in town. Not a lot of people know about this secluded area, and so he should feel pretty special.

Yeah, Renjun feels special alright.

Should he be feeling this special?

It's confusing, and yet Renjun only digs himself further into the abyss by coming with Jaemin. What a fool, indeed.

The radio is on, and some old song from a radio station is playing as the trees and the streetlights along the road blur past while they drive. He can't sing along to the song, but Renjun will surely remember Jaemin the next time he hears this song.

"So," Jaemin sparks the conversation, "why'd you move to Meju Bay?"

Renjun clears his throat at the question. He finds it amusing, how he's been living at Meju Bay for some time now and yet this is still the conversation starter.

He answers, nevertheless. "My mom's a nurse and she got assigned to the hospital here. So we had to move. Not like I had much of a say there."

Jaemin nods as Renjun answers. "Do you like it here so far?"

He doesn't really know how to answer that question without offending a local. He stares out of the window, clutching to his seatbelt and shrugs. "It can be better, but I'm dealing with it."

Jaemin is silent for a moment, the song has changed now and the streets are becoming more and more unfamiliar. He hasn't really had the chance or interest to explore Meju Bay, so the path with which Jaemin is taking him is completely unfamiliar. He just hopes he doesn't die for going with a classmate to an isolated area. Jaemin is nice, anyway. Certainly, he isn't a secret murderer, right?

The silence is deafening, and while Renjun enjoys comfortable silences with Jeno, it's quite uncomfortable with someone he has just hung out with for the first time. "Do you like it here so far, Jaemin?"

They hit a red light and Jaemin stops the car. He pauses to take his time to answer too. Looking at Jaemin like this, with his eyebrows knitted on his forehead and his hands clasping the steering wheel hard, Renjun realizes how there's still so much to know about Jaemin. They texted a lot, but Renjun's never asked that question. It's always been some sort of an assumption that Jaemin likes it here, he's been here his whole life, he's the perfect poster child for Meju Bay.

Right now though, his body language speaks an entire different point of view.

"I like it, of course. I grew up here, my family is here... it has its charms..." Jaemin says almost wistfully, looking out into the open road ahead of them.

"But?" Renjun coaxes, knows that it's that word hanging at the tip of Jaemin's tongue.

Jaemin laughs and shakes his head. "But, I don't want to spend the rest of my life here. I want to go to college outside of the town."

He remembers Jeno telling him that Jaemin told him he doesn’t think that he’ll leave the town. But now, something has changed. He has talked with Jaemin in passing about wanting to leave town when they graduate, which he and Jeno can relate to. He's just never realized the intensity of that dream until he has looked into Jaemin's eyes as he talks about it.

The car begins to move again as the light changes back to green. "It's just... I don't think life is meant to be lived in one place. You live on this earth for such a short time and the world is so vast, there's so many things to see and do."

"I agree," Renjun breathes out, and Jaemin turns to look at him for a brief second with a curious smile. "I think that’s the goal in life is to explore the world. Like you said, there's so many things to do and so many things to see. I don't want to be stuck in one place for the rest of my life either."

Jaemin nods, a slow smile stretching into his face as he continues to drive. Renjun soon realizes that they are going up the mountain tracks. "I'm glad you understand. I just... sometimes I feel like people around me think it's ridiculous that I even think about getting out of here but... being sedentary is just not for me at all."

Renjun hums thoughtfully. "Me too, I want to get the hell out of here."

"Before we get out here, I have to show you something. We're almost there."

  
  


What Jaemin shows him is a beautiful mountain peak that is not accessible by car so they walk the rest of the way. It's a bit of a walk and the terrain isn't the friendliest but he tries his best to not complain. Jaemin looks very enthusiastic to take him here.

It's all worth it though, because the view is to die for. He's never explored the town, so being in this peak comes as a shock to him. Indeed, the town has its charms.

"Wow," Renjun lets out, looking out into the horizon where they can see the entirety of the city. The clearing is covered by a canopy of trees, different foliage surrounding the area but the cliff's edge allows them a view of the town perfectly. It's the single most breathtaking thing he's ever seen in his life.

"See?" Jaemin says amusedly, nudging him by the side as he stands next to him. "The town has its charms, but doesn't this view make you realize that there's still so much to see? The town looks so small like this."

From here, he can see their school, the hospital, the town hall⏤if he squints, he can even see their house.

"It does." Renjun agrees, turning to look at Jaemin. Jaemin looks at him too, the kindest smile on his face. "This place is beautiful, Jaemin."

"It is, isn't it? But... you kinda get used to it after a few years." Jaemin says as he leads him away from the cliff's edge. "Come here, there's another thing that I want to show you."

Renjun follows him curiously. He's always seen Jaemin as adventurous, given his image, it's just a different kind of captivating actually experiencing it firsthand. Jeno's stories and the text messages have nothing compared to how Jaemin actually is in real life.

Jaemin leads him to another clearing, and Renjun can hear the clear sounds of water flowing strongly. When the water comes into view, Renjun's eyes go even wider at the sight.

It's a spring waterfall, cascading waterfalls lead up to the spring beneath. It's crystal clear blue, almost tantalizing in the way the water ripples up to the land. He's too focused on staring at the water to miss Jaemin stripping down to his underwear.

"What are you doing?" Renjun asks, duly scandalized as he watches Jaemin shimmy out of his pants. He looks away, blinking rapidly and swallowing hard.

"Aren't you going to swim? The temperature is perfect, I promise."

"You never told me we were going swimming⏤"

Jaemin jumps into the spring, laughing joyously as he crashes into the water in a cannonball.

Renjun is in shock. He hasn't even had the chance to fully digest the view of the spring waterfalls, and now Jaemin is inviting him into the water.

"Come, Renjun! Swim with me, it's fun. I promise!" Jaemin says, gesturing him over as he wades the water, his head above the water.

And, when Jaemin looks like that, with the most delighted look in his face, how can he say no?

There are now two people in the world that Renjun can't say no to. He's starting to be terrified of this discovery.

"Fine." He says begrudgingly, getting rid of his shirt and pants, putting them in a pile next to Jaemin's clothes away from the water. He feels shy getting exposed like this, but Jaemin's devil may care attitude is truly engaging.

He wonders if Jaemin also asked Jeno to swim when he took him here for a date. He imagines how it'd be like to have Jeno and Jaemin together at the same time.

What a thought. He isn't quite sure if he can handle it.

Gingerly, Renjun gets into the water, dipping his foot first to check the temperature. He descends into the water slowly, swimming up to where Jaemin is in the spring.

"Hi," Jaemin greets him with a smile once he has reached Jaemin, "nice, right?"

"It's nice." Renjun says, shivering slightly as he wades the water to keep afloat. "Peaceful."

Jaemin lays on his back, the water keeping him afloat and Renjun watches as Jaemin finds his peace in that position. "I always run away to this place whenever things get tiring down there."

"Yeah, I can imagine that... it must be nice to have a place where you can hide and... just be yourself."

Soon, Renjun finds himself in a similar position as Jaemin, floating on his back as the spring water swallows most of his body. The feeling of weightlessness is almost addicting, almost as if it's the only thing he ever wants to feel in this world.

He bumps shoulders with Jaemin, laughing as they float away from each other but Jaemin tugs on his arm to keep him close. They remind him of otters holding hands while they sleep to stay together. It's kind of cute.

"But you have that, don't you?" Jaemin comments wistfully.

Renjun turns to Jaemin, they're so close, face to face and barely inches separating them from each other. "What do you mean?"

Jaemin opens his eyes, turns to look at Renjun with a soft smile. They're so close now. "You have a place to hide and just be yourself... Jeno?"

 _Oh._ That makes sense. He wonders what kind of conversations Jaemin is having with Jeno. Jeno does tell him about their conversations when they go out on dates, so he knows what to say while texting Jaemin, but he isn't aware that Jeno has talked about him like this with Jaemin.

Renjun clears his throat. "Yeah... he's... he's my best friend. I feel safe when I'm around him, he doesn't judge people, doesn't have any mean bone in his body." He supplies, hopes it's the appropriate response⏤the response that Jaemin is looking for.

"Me too." Jaemin closes his eyes again, turns his face to the sky and sighs out. "I've never felt safer than when I'm with Jeno. He's just, really great. He talks about you a lot, too, and somehow through that... I felt as if I would feel safe with you too."

Renjun swallows hard. "Do you?"

"Would I take you to my secret place if I didn't?" Jaemin laughs, and it feels like butterflies in Renjun's stomach.

"Fair enough." Renjun responds, closes his eyes and turns away from Jaemin.

Silence fills them again, and this time, Renjun finds himself comforted in it.

"You know," Jaemin speaks after a few beats of silence, "you remind me a lot of Jeno."

Renjun's whole body freezes at that. Not because the water is cold, but because of the implications of that statement. He's fucking terrified. Did they get caught? Does Jaemin know? This is going to be bad if that's the case.

Still, Renjun tries to play it cool, modulates his voice so that the tenseness of his muscles doesn't show through. "Really? How so?"

"The way you talk, the way you think. Sometimes, it feels like I'm talking to different people when I'm with Jeno. He's more like you when he texts, and I get that. He must've picked it up from you."

"Oh," that's all Renjun can say, at a loss for words. Jaemin can definitely tell.

He wonders how long they can put up with this charade. "Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

Jaemin turns to look at him, raises a brow when he does meet eyes with Renjun. "That's exactly what he asked me when I told him that..."

Renjun blinks, but can't avoid the intense eye contact even if he tried. "Oh, well..."

"It's a good thing, at least now I know how he came to be so poetic." Jaemin says good-naturedly, seemingly dismissing the topic of Jeno and Renjun being deftly similar.

One thing is for sure now, Renjun has to be more careful. Or else.

"Unlike Jeno though," Renjun says, trying to keep the conversation going, "I'm gonna need to get home before it gets dark. My mom's kinda strict."

Jaemin nods, a smile resting on his face. He looks so handsome like this, serene and at peace. Renjun can't even bear to look away. "Don't worry, I'll get you back home and safe before the sun sets."

Renjun believes that. "Fine."

In the ever changing pace of Renjun's life, only one thing remains to be constant⏤he eats lunch with Donghyuck.

Although Jeno joins them sometimes, it's always him and Donghyuck together, something that's been written in the stars and something that won't change any time in the future. He thinks it's because Donghyuck likes pestering him during breaks, but Renjun knows that Donghyuck likes having him around. In turn, he likes having Donghyuck around too.

Today's just one of those days, after their Chemistry class, they head to lunch together, Donghyuck's arm looped over Renjun's shoulders. Donghyuck's presence will always be comforting in the crowded halls of their high school.

Eating lunch with Donghyuck even though they're in different social groups, will always be one of his and Donghyuck's constants. "I love your mom's dumplings." Donghyuck says, already snatching some from Renjun's lunch box.

"She knows." Renjun says, pushing the container towards Donghyuck. "That's why she packs a lot all the time. Go eat. It's yours now."

Donghyuck hums happily, pretending to give Renjun a kiss on the cheek before diving into his food.

Renjun promptly pushes him away with his elbow, and in the middle of their squabble, someone comes over to their table of two.

"Hi!"

Renjun's arms fall to his sides, looking up at the intruder at the same time as Donghyuck.

Shock falls upon his expression, and he can feel the incessant nudging that Donghyuck is giving him from the side. "Jaemin?" He asks, referring to Jaemin who's smiling with all of his teeth in display.

"Hi Renjun! Hi Donghyuck!" Jaemin greets, as if having him around them during lunch is the most obvious and common thing in this world. It isn't.

Donghyuck puts his arm over Renjun's shoulders, tugs him close and Renjun wants to wipe off that shit-eating grin in his face so badly. He can't stand whatever tension is going on at the moment.

"What's up Jaemin? What brought you to our table today?" Donghyuck asks with a grin, glancing down at Renjun as he tries to get away from the hold he has on him.

This is embarrassing. And Renjun doesn't even know why he's being this embarrassed when it comes to Donghyuck and Jaemin clashing in such a public space. They're both popular, both known in school so of course they _know_ each other. But having them together like this, it's just a little bit different.

It's a little burdensome.

"I just wanted to ask Renjun something, actually." Jaemin expounds, turning to look at Renjun this time, all of his attention on him.

Renjun has finally managed to get Donghyuck away from him. He pushes Donghyuck at an arm's length away, throws him a smile that tells him to behave and turns to Jaemin with finality. "How can I help you?"

"Oh." Jaemin turns his entire body to Renjun, smiling warmly at him. It's definitely a different smile to when he's talking with Donghyuck. "I just wanted to ask if you knew where Jeno was? I tried texting him but he hasn't replied."

Renjun thinks back to the phone he has left in the locker, and curses himself inwardly for it. "Um, he's probably at a basketball meeting? He usually disappears there for lunch but I'm sure he'll come back around before the next period starts."

He can feel Donghyuck's heavy stare upon him, like a nagging feeling at the back of his head. He knows Donghyuck is enjoying his dumplings, but there's nothing more he enjoys than listening to him and Jaemin speak.

"Okay," Jaemin says with a nod, "would it be okay if I ask you to fetch him later after practice?" Jaemin practically beaming now. "I'd like to hang out with the both of you, if that's fine."

From beside him, Donghyuck clears his throat and sips on his drink loudly. He fights the urge to step on Donghyuck's foot underneath the table.

"Sure, um, after class then? I'll tell him when I see him." Renjun offers.

Jaemin nods again, smiling from ear to ear. "Sounds good to me! Have a good meal, Renjun—and you too, Donghyuck."

Just like that, Jaemin disappears back into the crowd of students in the cafeteria, joining his own friend group's table and leaving him to clean up the absolute chaos that Donghyuck is about to unleash on him.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Renjun asks, not even taking the chance to look at Donghyuck because he doesn't know if he can deal with how he looks.

Donghyuck snickers, mouth full of dumplings. "So, Jeno _and_ Jaemin, huh? I understand that you've been MIA the past few weeks but wow—never expected this... you have to tell me everything."

"There's nothing to tell, shut up."

"Aw, c'mon now! Tell me _all_ about them!"

After that lunch incident with Donghyuck, Renjun finds himself going home with Jeno and Jaemin more often.

Donghyuck still pesters him to tell him all about it, and he insists that he has suspicions about the three of them. Renjun tells him that he's just writing essays for Jeno to ward him off, but Donghyuck doesn't entirely believe that.

When Renjun offers him a discount on his next orders, Donghyuck tells him that he's off the hook for now.

It's always easy to get to him when it comes to essays.

Today, it's no different. They're watching Jeno practice basketball and they're sitting by the bleachers. In the first couple of days of sitting in during basketball training, Renjun feels so embarrassed that he can't even look at the players doing warm-ups. Jaemin cheers enthusiastically for Jeno though, even if he's only throwing free throws and even missing them sometimes because of how distracting Jaemin can be.

However, Renjun is here now—in the same gym only a few days after the first time. He's gotten more comfortable now, he even has his laptop perched upon his lap as he types away at the essay Chenle has requested a few days ago now.

"Renjun," Jaemin whines from next to him, grabbing his arm and hugging it close to him, "stop working and watch Jeno be a hot athlete."

Renjun's ears heat up at the mention of how Jeno looks. The truth is, he is painfully aware of it, and he doesn't want to recognize it in the fear of looking too long or looking too wrongly, if that's even a thing. He just doesn't want to look.

"I'm busy." Renjun says, but doesn't take his arm away from Jaemin's hold. From the periphery of his vision, he can see Jeno running around, and he takes a half-second glance up to actually _look_ at him.

It's a bad idea.

Jeno, as intelligently described by Jaemin, is extremely _hot._ He's always known that his friend is good looking, there is no denying it. But when he's focused and in his element, there's a different kind of charm to Jeno, a different fire in his eyes. Jeno loves basketball, that much is obvious, but seeing him like this—it's something that Renjun doesn't think he can ever get used to.

It's so intense. Jeno has always been soft around the edges that contrasts his sharp features, but now, like this, everything about Jeno looks like he can wound anyone that dares to go near him.

It's so attractive.

"See?" Jaemin says, pulling him away from his trance completely, "he's totally hot, isn't he?"

Renjun can't even deny that. "Objectively, he fits the description of hot."

"I agree! Hey! Go Jeno!" Jaemin doesn't let go of him still, using his free hand to wave over at Jeno. 

Renjun lifts his eyes from his computer screen, chancing to look at Jeno who stops in front of them and waves. He smiles at them, his eyes doing that thing where they go up in crescents—where he looks like he's the happiest at that point of his life. It's just always been too charming for Renjun.

He smiles back anyway. "Go Jeno!"

Jeno's teammate bumps against him, pushing him forward in a teasing manner and Renjun brings his hand back down to his side. He can't read lips, but he's sure that his teammate says something to him that makes him even redder. He's already flushed from the exertion of the exercise, but now, he's turned another shade of red whatever his teammate tells him.

They run back to the other half of the court, jogging away from the bleachers where Renjun sits with Jaemin. Renjun tries to focus his attention back on his laptop, he really needs to finish this essay soon.

"See!" Jaemin says, and Renjun realizes he still hasn't let go of his arm. He's still smiling too. "He gets so cute when you cheer for him."

Renjun's voice cracks when he speaks, but Jaemin doesn't bring it up. "He does."

At this point, he should be used to having Jeno and Jaemin around. But the thing is, he's used to Jeno fussing over him, he's used to fussing over Jeno⏤he isn't used to having Jaemin in the equation too. But Jaemin has always been part of the equation, hasn't he? He's just that hidden integer, waiting to be revealed as the equation begins to get more complicated. But as the equation gets more complex, it just comes closer to being solved.

Renjun thinks the equation that involves him, Jeno and Jaemin is far from being solved.

Hanging out with Jeno and Jaemin means sneaking to the back of the abandoned buildings in the town, laying down on the grass, trying to work on homework as Jeno and Jaemin converse about whatever. He interjects from time to time, supplying the conversation with his input.

Sometimes Jeno will be laying on Jaemin's lap, sometimes both him and Jeno will be laying on Jaemin's lap to try and catch some sleep in the short free period that they have. Sometimes it's Jaemin that chooses to nap in between them. Somehow, through this, a special relationship between three people has been formed.

It's a form of companionship that Renjun has never had before, different from everything else, incomparable to anything else.

He doesn't want this to end, doesn't want the dynamics to change, but change is inevitable. It's something he has to make friends with.

Their hangouts stretch to even outside the campus. They eat together at local diners, go to the arcade, hike at Jaemin's favorite spots, read together at Jeno's bedroom, they even watch movies at Renjun's house. Renjun's mom has now gotten used to the sight of them sleeping together in the living room after a movie night.

He's too close to them, and Renjun feels like he's burning like a moth to a flame, like the closest planet to a star.

"You guys don't have to walk me home all the time, you know? It's a hassle for you guys."

Usually, they'll wait for Jeno's practice to be over, and Jaemin will drive them home one by one in his car. Today though, Jaemin's car broke down so it's still at the car repair shop to get checked. Still, Jaemin and Jeno offered to walk him home even though the way to his house is opposite the way to their houses.

"We don't have to," Jaemin says, turning to face him. They're used to this route now, and Jeno and Jaemin are walking ahead of him holding hands. In moments like this, Renjun is reminded of his position in this group. "But we want to. Walk a bit faster, slowpoke."

Renjun rolls his eyes playfully, jogging to catch up to their pace. He ends up next to Jaemin, who curls his arm around Renjun's so that they're interlocked.

It's times like this that Renjun forgets his position in this group.

"But like, I don't want to burden you guys. You know, don't want to interrupt your couple time?" Renjun tries, but he knows the kind of response that will come.

"Renjun." Jeno throws him a pointed look, pouting at him. "It's not... you're not interrupting anything, we like hanging out with you."

"Yeah!" Jaemin agrees, nodding his head like a child. "Do you not like hanging out with us? You wanna get rid of us, Junnie?"

Renjun vehemently shakes his head, and lets himself be tugged forward as Jaemin draws him closer to his body. There's no need to be this close to each other, the road is so wide and empty but Renjun can't find it in himself to rationalize the situation. "No, I like hanging out with you guys. I just... wanna make sure I'm not being a bother."

Over Jaemin's shoulder, Jeno gives him another look and Renjun avoids eye contact. He has seen that look before, whenever Renjun is unsure⏤Jeno is there to look at him like that, to look at him like he's the surest he's ever been with Renjun.

It makes him shy that he even asked the question.

"Don't ever think that, Junnie! You're never a bother, personally, I love having you around as much as I love having Jeno around." Jaemin says brightly, even brighter than the streetlights that lead them home. Renjun turns to Jeno at that comment, worried that he'll be offended. But Jeno is smiling, shrugging even.

"Me too, you know how much I like having you around, Renjun. So you don't have to worry about this, okay?"

That comforts Renjun, assures that he is wanted, lets him know that they want him to be here as much as he wants to be with them.

Truly, it's times like this that Renjun forgets his position in this group. In times like this, lines blur quickly.

Either he needs glasses, or he needs to clear his head.

For now, Renjun enjoys the company as long as it's offered to him.

"Okay."

Recently, Jeno has been busy with basketball games and practices. The season has officially reached its peak, and Meju Bay High has the chance of going into the finals if everything goes right.

Jaemin has been busy with his role in the student council while Renjun has been busy finishing final essays for other students. He's also been starting on his admission essay, so all three of them have a lot on their plate. That is without even mentioning the exams that they have to face sooner rather than later.

They haven't really had a lot of time to hang out anymore. And that's fine, because Renjun needs space to breathe and think about why he's feeling the things he's feeling. The truth is, he knows why, he just needs to accept it at this point.

His mother would not be proud if she learns how her birth son is handling this.

The last period of class comes to and end, and Donghyuck bids him goodbye because he has to go to baseball practice today. So here he is, the last person in the room, packing his stuff to get ready for the day to end. He wants nothing more than to take a warm shower, lay in bed and sleep for sixteen hours.

There's a knock at the door of his classroom, and Renjun looks up from his bag to see Jaemin by the doorway with a sly smile. He's leaning against the doorway, arms crossed over his chest. "Hey, you come here often?"

Renjun snorts, slinging his backpack straps over his shoulders. "Yeah? I study here. What are you doing here? I thought you were busy?"

He walks past Jaemin, bumping shoulders and Jaemin follows right after him. "Meeting finished early. I've come to fetch you."

"And for why?" Renjun asks. "Where's Jeno anyway?"

"Waiting for us outside. Training got cancelled today, coach got an emergency so they called a rest day. It's been too long since we last got together, right?" Jaemin's next to him now, locking their arms together like he always does.

Renjun nods. Jaemin's not wrong, and he did miss them. He just doesn't know how to reach out properly.

Especially now that Renjun isn't texting Jaemin like _that_ anymore.

Just before their lives got busy with responsibilities, Renjun told Jeno that he can't text Jaemin like that anymore. And, if anything else comes up, he can just give him a screenshot and he'll try to answer. Jeno thanked him, giving him the tightest hug he could ever receive from anyone else.

Now, there were only a couple things to face, telling Jaemin the truth and telling the two of them _his_ truth.

He gets a headache whenever he tries to sit down and think about it.

They meet Jeno outside, who's already waiting for them with a smile on his face. The sun is already setting over the school horizon, and other kids are going out of the school premises too.

"Hey, captain." Renjun greets, playfully kicking Jeno by the leg when they're near enough.

Jeno dodges with his fast reflexes, jumping around and then bounding in to sandwich Renjun in between himself and Jaemin. Renjun has gotten used to it at this point, being suffocated by affection from all sides. He can't say he despises the development.

"Finally the weekend! Got any plans, Junnie?" Jeno asks as they begin the walk to Jaemin's car.

Renjun nods. "Just homework, admissions essays, other people's essays... stuff like that. I don't think I have anything planned?"

Jaemin unlocks his car and beams. "Good, because we're going stargazing."

In Love, Eternal, there's a distinct scene where the main character lies down on the roof of their house, communicating with the stars as they stare back at them with their blinking lights. It's the denouement coming into place, all the details and all the secrets falling into place slowly one by one. It's memorable, because it's the part where the main character and his love rest.

He wonders which one of them came up with this idea.

One of the things about Meju Bay that Renjun truly appreciates is the clarity of the night sky. Unlike the cityscape, Meju Bay always has clear skies due to less light and air pollution. The stars have always greeted Renjun warmly, like friends that will always be there for him.

Just tonight, they feel a little more romantic than friendly.

He wonders if it has anything to do with the boys next to him.

"Really? Stargazing?" Renjun says in disbelief, masking the awe in his voice as Jeno sets down the blanket on a flat surface on his roof.

They've had a hefty dinner prepared by Jeno's sister, with Jaemin's help. It's amazing how he has convinced her that he is as capable in the kitchen, Miyoung doesn't usually allow people to work in her exception so Jaemin has become an exception.

"Don't pretend that you don't like it." Jaemin jeers from next to him, his elbow coming into contact against Renjun’s rib. Renjun frowns at him and shoves him away, crawling on to move next to Jeno who has finally settled the blanket for the three of them to lie down on.

The space isn’t the most comfortable. The roof is hard against Renjun’s back and the blanket isn’t thick enough to keep him warm. However, the stars are bright tonight and the boys next to him seem to be more than willing to provide the warmth the blanket can’t provide.

They’re lying next to each other, Jeno next to him and Jaemin has somehow found his way to his other side. He keeps his arms close to him, crossed over his chest as Jaemin’s arm drapes over his stomach to hold Jeno’s hand. Jeno’s snuggled next to him too, cheek pressed against Renjun’s shoulder.

The sky above them is vast, limitless and never-ending and if Renjun looks too long into them he feels as if he can just float away and reach out to them. Maybe he can live on the moon, maybe he can come to touch the sun and burn himself like Icarus. 

“The stars are bright tonight.” Jaemin comments, shifting a little so that he can look at the stars instead of at Jeno. “Makes me feel so small.”

Jeno agrees. "Whenever I look at the stars, it feels like my worries are so small. Like, the stars don't care if we don't win the championships, the stars don't care if I don't run enough laps. The universe is bigger than us"

Renjun glances at Jeno and raises a brow. There's something bigger than them, something bigger than all of their worries combined and they shouldn't worry so much about everything. But it's not like he can just _stop_ worrying about everything.

"I want to live on the moon." Renjun comments out of nowhere, probably surprising Jeno and Jaemin with the statement out of nowhere. "Can you imagine? Being away from here, being so far away from Earth that you can see it for its shape? That must be nice."

Jaemin chuckles in his ear, and Renjun turns his head to look at him. They're so close, but Renjun isn't uncomfortable, in fact, he's quite comfortable like this. "What are you laughing at?" Renjun asks with a lighthearted frown, poking Jaemin on the rib.

"Nothing!" Jaemin denies, glances at Jeno across Renjun. "It's just, I think I'll miss you plenty when you decide to live on the moon."

"I agree with Renjun though." Jeno says, shifting so that he has his arms over Renjun's stomach too. Over Renjun, Jeno and Jaemin are intertwined by their fingers. Renjun doesn't want to think too hard, afraid that his thoughts might spill, afraid that his thoughts might be louder than his own heartbeat.

"You agree with me?" Renjun asks, wanting to push the conversation and ask Jeno about what he thinks about living away from Meju Bay. He knows Jeno wants to play basketball professionally, away from here and perhaps play for a university scholarship. He's just never had such an explicit conversation with either of them about leaving Meju Bay.

Jeno nods against him. "I want to live my life away from Meju Bay... I mean, yeah, being here is nice... having my sister and her wife around is nice, taking care of the family business is nice but... is it wrong if I want something more than nice? I want something fulfilling... I want something that I can truly be proud and happy of and I think that I'll find that kind of fulfillment away from Meju Bay, you know?"

There's silence for a second, Renjun and Jaemin absorbing the words coming from Jeno. It's not very much like Jeno to be so sentimental, it's not very much like Jeno to be good with expressing himself through words but everything that Jeno said felt genuine. And in the end, it's all that matters.

"Yeah, I know." Renjun assures him after that beat of silence, putting his hand over Jeno's and Jaemin's on his stomach. "I want to get away from here too... it's a small town, it has its charms but it's just not for me? I've been trying for this university across the country but I'm not sure if I'll get accepted."

Jaemin hums. "That's not exactly the moon, but I fully support the both of you."

Renjun turns to Jaemin this time, remembering the conversation they had the first time they hung out. "And what about you, Jaemin? Do you want to live on the moon with us?"

"You want me to live on the moon with you?" Jaemin questions, eyes sparkling and for a moment Renjun forgets that they should be stargazing. They shouldn't be having tender conversations about their futures, they should be making fun of each other for not recognizing the constellations, they should be making up stories out of the images they drew in the stars. But Renjun figures that this is a conversation that is just as important.

"If you want." Jeno says with a slight chuckle. "There's a lot of space on the moon for the three of us."

Jaemin lies down on his back, tearing himself away from the tangle of limbs. "Sure," he says, looking up at the sky with his hands resting behind his head. "I want to live on the moon with you guys. I love Meju Bay, I love my friends here and my family... but I feel that too, that my life isn't here to be lived."

"So, what do you really want, Jaemin?" Renjun asks the million dollar question. Jaemin has always dodged the question of his future, what he wants to do after graduation other than the general consensus that he wants to get out of Meju Bay.

Jaemin closes his eyes and inhales. "I want to be a doctor, a surgeon. I want to be able to help people but I'm scared I'm not smart or skilled enough for it. But I really want to do it."

"You can do anything you put your mind and heart to, Jaemin. Plus, I think out of the three of us, you're literally the smartest." Renjun chuckles, turning to his side and propping himself up on his elbow, his free hand poking at Jaemin's stomach to tickle him.

Jaemin deflects, but he's already laughing. Jeno joins in too, reaching over Renjun's waist to reach Jaemin. They squabble like that for a few moments, trying to tickle each other until they all end up piled on top of each other. He's lying on top of Jaemin, his face shoved against his neck. Jeno was lying on his back, his legs straddled over Renjun's and Jaemin's waists, effectively locking them into place like that. It should be uncomfortable, should be awkward, but it's truly the most comfortable position for Renjun.

Breathing heavily after their laughing fit, Jeno asks something from behind Renjun. "A year from now, when we're away from Meju Bay, do you guys think we can still be like this?"

Jaemin hums underneath him, and he can feel his chest vibrating against his own. Renjun has always thought about that. Change is inevitable, and he has always looked forward to his situation changing but now, he isn't so sure.

Will he miss them? Definitely. Does he want them to flourish and reach their dreams even if it means being miles away from each other? Most certainly.

He feels Jaemin shift, and he knows that Jaemin has reached up to comb his fingers through Jeno's hair. He knows because Jeno has relaxed, his weight heavier against him.

"I'm not sure what's going to happen in a year, but what I know is that I want to keep the both of you in my life." Jaemin states simply, as if that's the most obvious thing in the world.

And, really, it is.

"Distance doesn't mean the end of connection." Renjun interjects, and Jaemin's other hand comes to pet his hair too. He knows they're listening. "Jaemin has a car, he can drive to wherever we are."

Jaemin laughs. "I might need to have it repaired for the long distance travel, I think that can happen though."

"See? Jaemin can literally do anything." Renjun knows that a lot of things come into play when it comes to their future, that it's not just the distance that they have to beat and Jaemin's car can't solve all of their problems. In the list of things the come into play when it comes int to their future, the way Renjun's heart beats and stomach curls at the thought of being with Jeno and Jaemin a year from now sits atop the list.

He likes the both of them, at the same time, in the same kind of way where he wants to hold their hands and kiss them too. Having this revelation, this admission of his feelings to himself, while he's sandwiched in between them isn't the most ideal but it's happening now.

It's happening _now_ and Renjun cannot even do anything to suppress the sudden influx of thoughts.

He's drowning in his thoughts, suffocating in his feelings but he gets pulled out of it immediately when he hears Jeno speak next to his ear. "We'll be together next year, I have a good feeling about it."

Renjun isn't sure if he shares the same good feeling. He isn't sure what's going to happen tomorrow when he's had enough time to digest the realization, to talk to himself and perhaps try talking himself out of it. Maybe he can rationalize it, act like his mom and put his brain above his heart like how it's meant to be.

Then again, he has always taken after his dad more.

Squished in between Jeno and Jaemin, the stars forgotten in exchange for a discussion about their future, Renjun just wants to _feel,_ for once, he wants to stop thinking.

And that's exactly what he does.

He shuts off all his thoughts, and relishes in the moment of being this physically and emotionally close to Jeno and Jaemin. He's not sure when is the next time they can be this close, or if there even is another chance of them being this close to each other.

"Well, the stars heard us promise that we'll be together until next year. Don't disappoint them." Renjun says lightheartedly, not wanting to pressure either of them.

"Never."

"We wouldn't want that, no?"

It's bad.

 _Very_ bad.

Renjun has tried to rationalize it. He has tried to take his feelings apart, dissect and arrange them in a sequence that will make sense to him. That's what his mom has taught him. Whatever he's feeling, he can always understand it and dissect it and deal with it properly prepared.

But the odd thing about feelings is that they're always ever changing, feelings are always new and evolving and Renjun can't say that he has experienced this before. He hasn't even liked one person, so how can he properly grapple with liking two people at the same time?

Even worse, they are people who like each other, people he helped get together, people who have become his best friends in such a short period of time.

He probably won't care much if they're just guys he picked off the streets. But they're Jeno and Jaemin, and as much as it pains him to admit, he cares very much about them.

The situation is already complicated, because Jeno still has to tell Jaemin his truth. And, if he gets in the picture, it'll only become even more complicated. He and Jeno lied to Jaemin, and now he's lying to Jeno and Jaemin. Neither of them deserve such kind of deceit.

It's truly a fucked up mess.

And when things are a fucked up mess, there's only one person in the world that Renjun can turn to.

"Dude, did your room get smaller or did I just get taller?" Donghyuck comes into his room, beer bottles hugged tightly close to him.

Renjun props himself up on his bed and scrunches his nose at the beer that Donghyuck's holding on for dear life. "My room got more cluttered since the last time you were here. Why do you have beer? Where did you even get it? You know we can't drink⏤"

"Shh, you're asking too many questions. Your mom isn't here anyway, and I got my older brother to get me some because I figured you needed it. You sound fucking miserable, Huang."

Even though they don't hang out a lot outside of school, it's Donghyuck that's on his emergency speed dial after his mom, it's Donghyuck that he has poured his rawest emotions to without being judged. Sure, he'll tease him a little but there will always be zero judgment when it comes to his friendship with Donghyuck.

When things turn to shit, he knows that they can always count on each other.

"I am miserable, thanks for asking." Renjun sits up on his bed, watching as Donghyuck sits next to him and expertly opens two beer bottles, one for each of them.

He accepts the bottle when Donghyuck hands it to him, exhaling deeply.

"Fuck, what's wrong with you? Who broke your heart?"

"It's not _yet_ broken. And, I guess I owe you a story. Are you ready?"

Donghyuck takes a huge swig of his beer and hisses through his teeth. "I was born ready."

He tells Donghyuck _everything._ Donghyuck is the one person in the world that he knows won't spill his secrets to anyone.

He starts by telling Donghyuck about the deal he had with Jeno, about writing a love letter for Jaemin but Renjun has led him down a different approach⏤one that is highly effective nonetheless.

Then he gets to the part about the feelings, about the slow but steady development, about the hangouts that were supposed to be shared by two turning to be shared by three people. He tells Donghyuck about his bare feelings and now, they feel more tangible, they feel more like they make sense now.

Donghyuck has finished his beer bottle by the time he has finished catching Donghyuck up on what has been happening to him. Silently, Donghyuck reaches for another one.

"Damn, I always knew it was suspicious that you were suddenly hanging out with Jeno and Jaemin, but I didn't think it would be _this_ kind of suspicious."

"Donghyuck, I swear to god⏤"

"No need to get all religious on me, babe. I understand. That is a tough situation. I mean geez, even I had a hard time following the storyline. But... what do you want to do then? Considering the fact that they seem to be showing signs that they like you too in that way?"

Renjun sighs and takes another sip from his beer, his drink has been ignored for the better part of his tirade. "I want to come clean but I'm so scared of ruining our friendship. I'm scared of ruining what Jeno and Jaemin have if I say anything."

"That's a valid feeling, and it probably scares you shitless liking two people at the same time, huh?" Donghyuck puts down his beer bottle on the floor then lies down on Renjun's bed with his arms spread out. Renjun makes a mental note to clean up later before his mom comes home.

Renjun's stomach flips at Donghyuck saying it so bluntly. He likes two people at the same time, wants to pursue them both at the same time if they are into that too. It's real now, he has to deal with it because he has blurted it out loud. Someone else knows about the secret he has kept for months.

"It fucking terrifies me. It's not bad, isn't it? Liking two people at the same time?" He doesn't need anyone's validation, but Renjun treasures Donghyuck's opinions. He wonders what Donghyuck thinks about it, if he's fine with having a friend that's attracted to two people at the same time. He wonders if Donghyuck is fine with having a friend who is this unconventional.

Donghyuck pushes himself up slightly from Renjun's bed, the speed of which he finished his first beer is finally catching up to him. "It's not bad, I mean⏤it's not like you can tell your heart what to feel. You just have to be honest about it, don't fucking cheat."

"Dude, of course not. I'm disgusted you even think that."

"Good," Donghyuck falls back down on Renjun's bed with a thud, "I was worried you would tell me you're cheating or something and I had to unfriend you."

"I'm not that problematic." Renjun frowns, chugging the rest of his beer down in one go. He wants to stay sober enough for later, so his mom doesn't notice.

Donghyuck clears his throat. "You're not problematic... you just get... emotionally constipated sometimes. But you always know that the truth is the easiest way out. You just, dunno, need a little kicking to the exit."

"Kicking?" Renjun scoffs, kneeing Donghyuck's leg. "You think I'm an animal?"

"Your words, not mine."

"Get the hell out of here!"

"You don't mean that."

"I don't."

Eventually, they stop arguing and finish all the bottles that Donghyuck brought. He's definitely tipsy now, his room spinning if he as much tries to stand up from his bed. So now the two of them are here, lying on the bed and staring at the ceiling as the alcohol gets to them.

He has to make dinner soon, too.

"What do I do?" Renjun asks after a few more minutes of laughing to themselves about nothing and everything all at once.

Donghyuck hums thoughtfully, yawning at the end of his sentence. "Talk to Jeno first. Tell him your truth, and tell him to tell his truth too."

In Renjun's hazy brain, it's all that makes sense. Truth is the only way out, after all. "I think that's a good idea."

"I always have good ideas."

"Yeah, you do. This beer being one of them."

See, talking about it with Donghyuck and planning it out in his head, it feels easier. It seems easier like that in theory. Everything seems easier in theory, when he's just writing about them and when he's just thinking about the multiple scenarios and ways things can happen in his head.

But making it happen, taking action and taking control of the situation⏤that is always the hardest part, much to Renjun's chagrin.

He can't find the proper timing. Jeno had been occupied with basketball games and practices because they're coming closer and closer to the championship. Hence, Renjun feels bad about making Jeno think about things like this when things are hectic for him. But with each day that passes, Renjun feels like he's going to explode. If he doesn't say anything, he'll afraid it might cause an outburst that he can no longer control.

He has to start somewhere.

The first thing he does the moment he steps on the school grounds, Renjun comes to find Jeno.

Which isn't hard considering the fact that it's Jeno that comes to find him every morning.

And he isn't wrong, because now here comes Jeno draping himself all over Renjun's back. "Good morning!" Jeno greets brightly, and Renjun forces himself to smile, forces himself to act as normal as possible despite everything that he already has planned.

Everything is heavy, the weight of his feelings and of his truth is weighing down on him now.

"Hey, Jeno." He says with a tight-lipped smile, watching as Jeno backs away from him slowly and looks at him with his head tilted to the side.

"Is everything okay?" Jeno asks cautiously, looking him up and down, trying to read him.

Renjun nods and gives Jeno another smile. "Yeah, everything's fine. I need to tell you something, though."

Jeno straightens up and clears his throat. "Sure, what is it?"

"No, not now." He says, blinking up at Jeno. "Later? After your practice. I'll wait for you, that's a good time for you, right?"

Jeno's eyebrows screw together for the briefest moment, before the crease disappears and is replaced by his signature smile. Jeno has never liked it when anyone is worried over him, it's very characteristic of him to put on a brave face.

Renjun already feels bad.

"Definitely. Catch you later then?"

"Catch you later."

It's hard to not think about the consequences of his actions when he has the entire day to think about it.

He admits that it might be a wrong decision to push it back until the end of the day, but he wanted Jeno to have a heads-up, and he needed more time to prepare himself for whatever the outcome of his decision may be.

The entire day, even though he's quite busy with his own schedule, Donghyuck stands by him and assures him that everything will turn out fine in the end. He assures him that he'll start to feel better once he has told them his truth.

_Truth is always the easiest way out._

He tries to avoid Jaemin and Jeno for the entire day, which isn't that hard since everyone is starting to get busy again. He just needs to get through today. Things may or may not be easier, but he needs to do this now. It's a now or never thing.

He only meets Jaemin during lunch, where he gives him a hug and tells him he can't hang out today because of student council duties. Renjun, despite being flustered, tells him it's okay and he has nothing to worry about. It's good that Jaemin is busy, there's no chance of him accidentally overhearing the conversation he needs to have with Jeno.

Before coming to the gym to finally confront Jeno, Donghyuck gives him a final pep talk.

"Do you want me to be there for you? I mean, I can be your getaway driver if it all goes badly. Then again, it's Jeno. How badly can it go?" Donghyuck asks, squeezing him by the shoulders to relieve the tension he's suffering from.

Renjun gives him a side-smile, shaking his head. "It's okay. There's no need for that. I think I can handle Jeno."

Donghyuck sizes him up one more time, before deciding that he's all good to go. He really doesn't know where he would be if Donghyuck isn't here to support him. "Good, you can handle him. I believe in you."

"Thank you."

When Donghyuck leaves, it's all up to Renjun now.

There's no running away now.

The basketball training has been more rigorous due to the finals coming up very soon so they're no longer allowed to watch the practice. Instead, Renjun waits for Jeno outside the gym, exactly where he waited for him months ago when they first started this _deal._

He waits for about half an hour, sitting on the dirty floor by himself, rehearsing the words in his head over and over and practicing. He's never been this nervous about words, words have always been something that he can rearrange and organize into something beautiful. Words have always been his strength, words have always been his winning card but now, it's suddenly the hardest thing.

Words, when coupled with emotions, have become a very difficult obstacle for Renjun.

He sighs deeply.

The door to the gym opens, and Renjun looks up from where he's staring at his jeans to the door, and just like before, Jeno's teammates file out before him.

It takes a while before Jeno finds him.

"Hi," he greets, looking up at Jeno standing in front of him. He looks tired from practice, his wet hair still sticking to his forehead and his cheeks slightly flushed from the exertion of the training. He's smiling down at Renjun though.

"What are you doing sitting there?" Jeno asks, holding a hand out to Renjun.

Renjun takes it, smiling a little as he uses Jeno's strength for leverage, getting off the floor and on his feet. "Waiting for you, what else?"

He leans back against the wall, the lockers giving them some semblance of privacy as Jeno's teammates jeer their goodbyes at them. They're used to Jeno leaving with either Renjun or Jaemin now, sometimes both. Tonight, it's just Renjun.

When the shouting has gone, Jeno turns to Renjun. His expression shifts from the kind smile to something a little more worried, his eyebrows screwed together as he pushes his hair away from his forehead. Jeno must have been thinking about this too for the whole day.

"So, what do you want to talk about?"

"Before I start, I need to ask you to promise me that you will let me speak first, okay? I'll explain it well, I promise."

Noticing his nerves, Jeno smiles at him. It has a calming effect on him. There are times when Jeno smiles and Renjun feels like everything is going to be okay. As if a single smile from Jeno is a cure-all for any problem that he may face.

Jeno holds his hands in his own, rubbing them together to warm them up. He hasn't even noticed that his hands are cold from all the anxiety the moment is giving him.

"I promise. You're the only person in the world who can explain the most complex things to me. I'll listen."

Renjun nods, swallows the lump in his throat and speaks.

"I need to tell you the truth. The thing is, I want us to come clean to Jaemin."

Jeno's eyes are wide when he realizes what Renjun means by that. But like he has promised, he lets Renjun speak first even though his expression is already telling Renjun so much. The hold Jeno has on his hands grows tighter too.

He clears his throat, looking at their enjoined hands and really _focuses_ on what he wants to say. He hears shuffling from the left side of the hallway, but Renjun is far too lost in his thoughts and on the way Jeno holds him for him to pay attention to anything other than the blood rushing to his ears.

"I want to tell him what we did, that I was the one texting him the entire time. I think it's best if we tell him ourselves instead of him finding out on his own? You know? It would feel so fucking awful for him. I don't want to hurt him and I don't want you to end up being hurt too if he takes it badly."

Jeno's head falls forward, hiding his eyes behind his hair so Renjun can't see the expression on his face. His hold on his hand remains the same.

"And, I don't want you to be hurt... I don't want Jaemin to be hurt but we're already too deep into this and the only way out is the truth, Jeno. We can't deceive Jaemin forever, he's too good, and I know you're a good person too... you both deserve the truth."

Jeno doesn't say anything, keeps his head lolled forward but Renjun knows that he's still listening to him.

"And the truth is that, I don't think I can stay this close with you... and with Jaemin anymore, because I don't want to ruin what you have with Jaemin. The truth is, _my_ truth is that... I like both you and Jaemin. I don't know how it happened, and I know it sounds very weird and I understand if you don't want to be friends with me after this anymore. But I just have to tell you the truth..."

His lungs feel constricted, his knees are weak and his feet are telling him to run away. But he needs to face this now, needs to face Jeno and tell him everything.

"Hanging out with both you and Jaemin made me feel like I belong with the two of you. When I know I _don't._ I was confusing your platonic affection with romantic affection⏤and if I continued to stay too close to either of you, I will just ruin everything... I need to take a step back from⏤"

"What?"

The familiar voice echoes through the empty hallway, immediately causing Jeno and Renjun to jump away from each other in shock.

Standing at the end of the hallway, is Jaemin, eyes brimming with the beginning of tears as he looks at them. Renjun's heart drops to his stomach at the realization. _Jaemin has heard everything._ Of course, he has planned to tell everything to Jaemin too but not like this.

Definitely not like this.

"Jaemin⏤" Jeno calls for Jaemin, but Jaemin shakes his head, takes a step backwards and then dashes away.

Just like that, Jaemin has disappeared and Jeno and Renjun are left in the darkness again.

Now, Renjun listens to his feet, his words failing him this time. He needs to listen to the other thing that he's good at: running away.

"Jeno, I'm so sorry⏤I'm so sorry⏤"

"Renjun..."

Everything has collapsed because of him, the entire world has crumbled beneath his feet and it's all his fucking fault. All his fucking fault.

"I'm sorry, I... I should go..."

With his lungs burning, eyes wet with hot tears and sight never landing once on Jeno, Renjun runs away.

He kind of wishes he took up Donghyuck on his offer to be his getaway driver.

Renjun has been fucking miserable, and even that is an understatement.

He knows that he has felt sadness before, but he hasn't felt sadness as poignant and real as this. He hasn't felt sadness that encompasses his entire being, a sadness that seeps through his bones and wraps around his sinews until he cannot move. He's so sad that he feels the physical pain shoot through his chest each time he thinks about Jeno and Jaemin.

His room is a mess, his laundry has piled at the end of his bed and there are a dozen glasses of water bottles left at his nightstand. He hasn't drawn his curtain in days and he's pretty sure that there are bags under his eyes. He can't confirm though, he hasn't looked at the mirror in a while. When his mom sees the state of his room, she'll probably scold him but he's far too sad to do anything else.

Each day at school feels like hell, because now that he has gotten used to having Jeno and Jaemin around, suddenly not talking and not even looking at them after months of constant communication and affection is the hardest thing. He still sees them at school, and more than the pain of not having either of them talk to him, what hurts more is the fact that Jeno and Jaemin aren't talking to each other either.

He just wants to go home and sleep for a long time.

Donghyuck checks up on him daily, he sits with him during lunch and makes sure that he eats all of his food. It's kind of a hard task, but he's thankful that Donghyuck keeps him in check, otherwise, he's not sure if he'll be able to take care of himself at all.

Donghyuck tells him that it's a process, that healing takes time and perhaps he just needs to give Jeno and Jaemin and himself some space before reaching out to each other again. Even if it doesn't turn out the way he expected, the most important thing is that he is living his truth.

He has always thought that he'll be able to sleep more peacefully once he has lived his truth, but now, he's just too busy crying every night to even fall asleep.

What a vicious cycle.

His mom hasn't noticed yet, or so he hopes. He doesn't want to worry her over such trivial things. She's already busy and stressed enough at work, the least he can do is provide her with a stress-free home life.

But in the end, she's his mother. She can always see through him.

They're making dinner together, it's been a full week since he stopped talking with Jeno and Jaemin. It doesn't get better, but he's doing his best to try and be a functional human being.

"I haven't seen Jeno and Jaemin around recently, are they doing well?"

Renjun pauses midway through flipping the egg rolls in the pan and tenses. He hasn't heard their names in a while, with Donghyuck refusing to talk about them as he believes it's best for Renjun's healing. Now, he has to force himself to talk with his mother about them.

He doesn't want to lie.

"I'm not very sure." He says, voice low and shoulders slumped. He avoids eye contact by focusing on the egg rolls.

From his periphery, he can see his mom checking on the rice cooker. "Why?" She asks softly. "Did you fight?"

Renjun swallows and takes away the egg rolls from the pan, putting them over a sheet of kitchen towels to drain the oil. "I did something terrible and I don't think I can talk to them again."

"And why is that?" She asks again, seemingly disinterested but Renjun knows she's only doing that so that he doesn't feel pressured to open up if he doesn't want to. But he's here now, he might as well ask his mom for that advice. He needs it terribly.

"Something happened and... I kind of ruined our friendship?"

There's a pause, and the rice cooker clicks, telling them that the rice is ready. Renjun loads another batch of the egg rolls into the pan, reminds himself to take a picture so he can send them to Donghyuck.

He watches as his mother moves around the kitchen, setting the table as he works on the egg rolls. "Ruined it?" She quips, and he can practically hear the smile in her voice even if he isn't looking at her. "That's an interesting choice of words. With the _both_ of them?"

"Mom," he whines, fighting the urge to roll his eyes, "it's not funny."

She laughs, and when she does, it can be heard through the entire house. He figures he picked up that habit from her, laughing with her entire body and throwing her head back as she does so. She comes back to stand next to him, putting an arm over his shoulders and he has to lean down a little so she can reach him. She's far too amused for Renjun's liking.

"Sweetheart, I respect that you don't want to tell me the nitty gritty details, but if you _ruined_ your friendship with them in the way I think you did, and they told you that they don't want to talk to you anymore⏤I think it's their loss."

Renjun groans. "Mom, it's really not like that... it's really complicated. They didn't _say_ that exactly. I'm just assuming they don't want to talk to me anymore."

His mom raises her brow at that. He knows how much she dislikes jumping into conclusions. For her, it's always best to talk it out first. It's why she always worked well with his dad.

"Junnie, you know it's best to talk to them, right?"

"I know. I did talk to them, but it didn't turn out the way I wanted it to."

Renjun takes the final batch of egg rolls out of the pan and to drain it onto the kitchen towel. His mom takes her hold away from him and puts her hands on her hips. She's way shorter than he is, but she's always had this threatening aura about her especially when she's telling Renjun off. He knows that she's a softie, though.

"But are you going to give up easily?" She asks. "You're going to be miserable forever because you didn't get your closure?"

"Mom, I didn't say anything about being miserable or closure!" He insists, turning the stove off and putting the plate of egg rolls on the table. Renjun also takes it upon himself to serve rice, placing it next to the egg rolls. He has been excited for the egg rolls, but now he thinks he has lost his appetite.

"I can see it though." His mom says, follows him as he sits by the table for dinner. They're next to each other, and his mom passes him the rice. "You've been sad the past few days. I know my baby is not like this. You haven't been writing either."

Renjun blinks at his plate of rice, watches idly as his mom puts egg rolls on his plate. He has been trying to write, trying to force the words out of him and finish all of his commissions and his personal essays. But it's been so hard, the sadness wrapping a chain around his ankle and dragging him down to drown in it.

"What do I do?" He asks, finally lifting his eyes from his plate to look up at his mom who's now enjoying her egg rolls. He's truly lost, and he wants to know if his mom's experience on love can give him some perspective. He's not sure if she's ever experienced something like this, but he knows that his dad is his mom's only love, so that has to say something, right?

Love.

What an odd word.

Is he in love with Jeno and Jaemin?

Huh.

"You can only do two things in this situation. Either you wait for them to reach out to you since you said they don't want to talk to you, but are you really going to waste your time waiting around? The second option is that... you reach out to them first. Who cares if you get rejected? The most important thing is that you are clear with your intentions. I'm not sure what your situation is. But I believe I've raised you well enough to know how to deal with it. Didn't I?"

Renjun shoves an egg roll into his mouth and nods. His mom always knows what to say. 

“You did.”

“That’s my boy. Now eat up, I won’t have you starving yourself over boys!” 

The surprise of his life comes Monday afternoon. Physical Education isn't his best subject. It's very different from running around the field to test his stamina and speed⏤both of which he doesn't have.

Although he doesn't really have to try and prove himself, Donghyuck enjoys track and field so Renjun is forced to suffer by himself.

He sneaks out from the class, when their gym teacher is busy conversing with Donghyuck. He knows that Donghyuck has the tendency to suck up to the teachers, then again, to each their own. He respects his friend's hustle and it has gotten him out of trouble a couple of times before too.

Renjun finds himself in front of the vending machine by the cafeteria. He doesn't really care if a monitor or a teacher catches him. Physical education is tiring and he needs his dose of Yakult. And by dose, he means at least three bottles in one go.

The vending machine whirs as it dispenses his drinks and Renjun watches idly, his hands tucked inside the pockets of his tracksuit as the bottles fall down one by one.

"You know, having so much of that is bad for you, right?"

Renjun jumps in his place, turning to the source of the voice and a splash of cold water showers down his entire body when he sees who it is.

Jaemin, _smiling_ at him as he speaks. "It has actual live bacteria in it, not good having too much bacteria in your tummy."

"J-Jaemin..." Renjun says dumbly, torn between picking up his Yakult bottles or keeping eye contact with Jaemin. So his body works on its own and he ends up bending his knees to get his bottles while trying to maintain eye contact with Jaemin. "Uh... do you want one?"

He reaches out his hand, holding a bottle out to Jaemin. He's confused. Why is Jaemin talking to him as if nothing has happened? He's been planning how to talk to Jaemin and out of nowhere Jaemin is suddenly in front of him? Did he somehow get hit by a soccer ball and is currently suffering a concussion? That certainly can't be it, right? They're just doing laps today.

Jaemin skips towards him, accepting the offered bottle. "Sure, I haven't had one in a while." He tells him, peeling the foil off the top with his teeth. Cautiously, Renjun mirrors his actions.

Renjun chugs an entire bottle in one go, suddenly feeling parched. He tosses the empty bottle into the nearby bin and proceeds to open the next one. What is going on right now? He thinks he'll need something stronger than this yogurt drink.

"Why are you here, shouldn't you be in P.E.?" Jaemin asks, raising his brow at him.

Renjun nods. "I should be but... I got thirsty..." He swallows, noting how Jaemin still remembers his time table. "What are _you_ doing here?"

"On the way to the bathroom, then I saw you here so I just wanted to say hi." Jaemin states, finally finishing with his bottle of Yakult. He crumples it and tosses it into the bin too.

Renjun raises a brow, rubbing his arm. "You wanted to say hi?"

Jaemin nods, humming. "Mhm, I wanted to say hi. Is that so bad?"

He shakes his head, inhaling and exhaling, trying to regulate his breathing because it reminds him of the night he accidentally confessed everything to Jeno and Jaemin. "No, it's not bad... I'm just, you know."

"Are you gonna come back to class?" Jaemin blinks, asking him wistfully and reaches out to pick a lint off of his tracksuit.

Renjun doesn't flinch away, steadies himself and responds. "I'm supposed to be back to class now."

"What do you think about not going back to class then? I need to tell you something." Jaemin whispers, closing the distance between them as he rests his hand on his shoulder.

Renjun glances down at the hand on his shoulder, looks up at Jaemin and raises a brow. He can't even hide the smile at the ridiculousness of the situation. "Really, student council's Na Jaemin is suggesting we cut classes?"

Jaemin shrugs, zips up Renjun's tracksuit and offers him his megawatt smile. "We're graduating soon, we don't have a lot of chances to do this. Might as well do it now, right? It seems like the perfect opportunity to me."

"Can I at least get a couple more bottles of Yakult?"

Jaemin laughs. "Sure, get all the Yakult you need."

Jaemin leads him behind the burned down building in the campus. No one really goes here anymore, and he hears that it's going to be demolished before the next school year. Jaemin tells him that it's where his friends go when they cut class or when they want to go smoke. That information surprises Renjun, but Jaemin only shrugs at him.

"I'm pretty sure this is a health hazard." Renjun says as Jaemin asks him to sit next to him by a pile of logs. He hugs his Yakult closer to his chest, wishes he bought some more for emotional support.

"It is." Jaemin states nonchalantly, which causes Renjun's brow to raise. "Won't be long, I just need to talk to you somewhere private and... this is the most private I can find in the campus."

Renjun nods. He figures he isn't missing much from P.E. anyway. Whatever Jaemin has to say is more interesting than anything their coach can say or make him do. 

He takes the space next to Jaemin and opens a bottle of Yakult. "What did you... what did you want to talk about?" He might as well take the blow now than extend it longer.

"I'm sorry," Jaemin apologizes, picking a lint off his pants and Renjun turns to him to ask why, but Jaemin is already providing him with an explanation. "I shouldn't have run away like that. Maybe, I was hurt, but I should've stayed to ask for an explanation instead of running away cowardly."

"You aren't a coward." Renjun insists, his entire body turned to Jaemin now. "What we did was completely horrible and I understand any reaction you might have. It’s not your fault, Jaemin.” He wonders if Jaemin has felt like this all week, if he’s made to believe that he is cowardly because of running away. Jaemin’s reaction is valid, and Renjun can even accept it if Jaemin never talks to him again. 

But here is Jaemin, speaking to him⏤addressing everything to him. Jaemin sighs, running his hand through his hair. “I’ve always had a feeling, you know?”

“A feeling?” 

“Yeah, I’ve always had a feeling. Jeno was different in real life compared to when he’s on text. When he had that first date… he was more interested in basketball than literature. Which, I just thought was fine since we talked a lot about books while texting, so maybe he wants to tell me more about himself? Nevertheless, I liked that side of Jeno. He’s sweet, kind and exciting all at the same time .” Jaemin explains, biting down his smile but Renjun is already smiling. He isn’t wrong, Jeno is kind in all the ways a person can be kind. He always has the best intentions in his heart and he’s happy that Jaemin sees that even through all that.

“And, I’ve always known you. Not really _know,_ but I see you and I want to be friends with you. But you’re always with Donghyuck and you seemed really hard to approach. When I learned you liked my favorite book, I wanted to be friends with you even more. So⏤imagine my surprise when I learned that you’re Jeno’s best friend?”

“So then I got to know you… and it all made sense, somehow, I just didn’t want to accept it. How come the Jeno I know through text is more similar to his best friend than to himself? I liked both the person I know on text, and the person that I was with physically. I thought, could Jeno really be that different? And as we started hanging out more… when the three of us spent more time together, it’s just natural that I liked you too. But I didn’t know what to do about it.”

Renjun is trembling now, holding on to his Yakult bottles to anchor himself. It’s turning out so much better than he imagined, but he isn’t sure if this is really what he wants. Does he want to get in between Jeno and Jaemin? But he liked Jeno too, he liked the both of them in the same way and he’ll gladly let go if it means saving what his friends have.

“The thing that I want to say is that… I don’t have to know the whole thing, why you and Jeno conspired so that Jeno can start talking to me. I don’t want to know all of that⏤all I want to know is how you really feel about me? I need to know if I heard it all right that night and you like me and Jeno? Do you like me like you like Jeno too?"

His brain is trying to organize the moment⏤Jaemin likes him and Jeno too, in the same way that he likes Jeno and Jaemin and it doesn't feel quite real yet. But it is, and here is Jaemin sitting across him waiting for an answer with bated breath.

He should give him his response now.

Renjun sets down the Yakult bottles he has been desperately clinging on to. He has only now realized how ridiculous he must have looked hugging them for support.

"Yes," Renjun confirms, his eyes steady as they look into Jaemin's. A small smile is beginning to bloom in his features, one that completely reaches his eyes. It's a smile that Renjun has been missing for some time now. It feels inexplicably good to see that and be the cause of that smile again.

"I like you, I've liked you before Jeno even came up to me with that idea. I like you so much that I wanted to help Jeno get together with you because I know he's the kind of person that you deserve to love. I _really_ like you, Jaemin. But... Jeno... I don't want to get in between you and Jeno, please, Jaemin. Choose him."

He only notices the tension and the fragility of his voice when he finishes speaking, his lips dry but eyes watery as he talks about his feelings again.

As if to ease all his worries, Jaemin only smiles and shakes his head. He reaches out a tentative hand to him, cupping his face as he closes the distance between them. Renjun doesn't move, but he holds his breath as he awaits Jaemin's next move.

Their foreheads are pressed together now, and Renjun closes his eyes instinctively. He doesn't think he can really survive looking Jaemin in the eyes at this kind of proximity. His heart is pounding so loud he can feel it in his arms. His veins are full with anticipation, with a kind of excitement that he hasn't felt before. Within that excitement is the hint of fear, the fear of ruining everything.

"We don't have to choose, Renjun. I think Jeno feels the same."

Jaemin tells him that Jeno talks about him a lot. Which is fair, it's nothing he hasn't heard before. It's a comment that he can live with because he and Jeno _do_ spend a lot of time together. It's not surprising that they're each other's topic of conversation.

So Renjun shrugs it off, tells Jaemin that it _can't_ be it. They're just friends, at least for Jeno. Jeno only sees him as a friend, and it's Jaemin that he wants.

And, sure, there are times when Jeno says and does things that make him question his intentions but isn't that normal for friendships? Isn't it normal to question it sometimes? Isn't it normal to wonder if he wants to ruin it sometimes?

("It's not." He remembers Donghyuck telling him.)

Jaemin too, assures him that the way Jeno talks about him is different. And it's Jaemin, for crying out loud, if anyone knows something about Jeno's romantic attraction to people⏤it's definitely Jaemin.

So, Renjun allows a tiny bit of hope spark in his heart. That, perhaps, maybe this can all work out.

He wants to resolve this quickly because, to be honest, he wants to hold hands with them and kiss them senseless. Of course, it'll be his first kiss⏤and he can kiss Jaemin (Jaemin's words, not his) any time he wishes but he just doesn't feel right being able to kiss Jaemin without Jeno knowing their side of the story, without Jeno knowing their truth.

The thing is, Jeno is very hard to catch these days.

The basketball season has swung into full force and the Meju Bay High basketball team has made it to the semi-finals. It's a do or die game, so whoever wins the match makes it to the finals for a championship game with last year's winning team. The pressure is definitely _on._

They haven't talked to Jeno in a while, so they make up to it by planning the perfect confession. It's not perfect if Jeno denies it, if Jeno ends up hating it. But as long as they make their play right, it'll all be up to Jeno. As they say, the ball _is_ in Jeno's court now.

Due to that, he's spending a lot of time with Jaemin and he has been feeling happier too. He has finished his admissions essay and has submitted it to the university. And, if he does get accepted, money will be enough because he has simultaneously applied for a scholarship. The only one thing that can go wrong now is that he can ruin his relationship with Jeno.

They work on their studies, and sometimes even Jaemin helps him with the influx of essays being requested and he thinks his relationship with Jaemin is developing nicely. He doesn't want to be dramatic, but he can see this going on for a long time.

But perhaps it's too soon to think about things like this.

After all, he has to tackle it step by step and the first step is talking to Jeno.

The plan is this: they talk to Jeno after the semi-finals. If they lose, then they postpone it; if they win, then they proceed with the plan. It's Jaemin that proposes it so he goes along with it. It's Jaemin that knows Jeno better when it comes to these things, after all.

He's always been just used to being the supportive friend, the friend that writes the love letters, the friend that gives advices⏤but now he's the friend that's being supported. He's the friend that's been receiving advice and he isn't quite sure how to play this role.

Jaemin is a pretty damn good teacher though, he thinks he can make it out alive.

The day of the semi-finals arrives sooner than Renjun has prepared himself for. It's a home game advantage, so it's happening at the gym where Jeno and his team usually practice. He has sent Jeno a good luck text earlier this morning, but he isn't sure if that's the best move⏤Jaemin says it is, though.

The classes will end early for the game, so before the game starts, Jaemin gives him a very encouraging pep talk. He doesn't know why he's so nervous when he has Jaemin with him, and Jaemin must be equally nervous but it's the first time he's going to talk to Jeno after his initial tearful confession.

Basketball games have never been appealing to Renjun until he got to know Jeno. Any kind of sports has never been interesting to Renjun, until Jeno. And then, out of nowhere, suddenly men running back and forth and passing around a ball is so damn attractive to him.

Jaemin leads them to their seat among the crowd that has already filed in the gym. They are a couple of rows away from the front, and it's not a very conspicuous position so he wonders if Jeno will be able to see them here. He doesn't know if it matters though, because Jaemin has coerced him into making a banner for Jeno⏤it's for when he shoots, Jaemin says. So Renjun just goes along with it.

And with Jeno being a shooting guard, he knows he's going to make a lot of scores tonight.

He will _definitely_ see them in the crowd.

The two opposing teams come out into the court for warm up, and the crowd roars as they cheer for the home team. Renjun figures this is the best thing about playing a home game, you have the entire venue supporting you and wherever you look are people who adore you.

He understands the adrenaline.

"Look," Jaemin calls for him, grabbing his hand and twining their fingers together. His stomach flips at the feeling of their palms pressed together, Jaemin's warm against his cold palm. He's still not very used to this, to Jaemin giving him affection and it actually meaning something not in a platonic way. It's still a concept that he's trying to wrap his head around.

He can get used to it though.

"What?" He asks, following Jaemin's line of sight.

When he realizes what, or rather, _who_ Jaemin is looking at⏤his heart leaps in his throat again. It's Jeno, with his jersey that bears the number 23 at the back, his hair pushed away from his face with a headband. He looks even more handsome than Renjun remembers.

"Yeah," Jaemin says, turning to smile at him. "He looks even more handsome."

"Did I say that out loud?"

Jaemin laughs, bringing his hand up to his lips to kiss the back of it. Renjun's insides are melting. "You did. And honestly, I don't blame you."

Renjun sighs. He might as well say everything that's been weighing him before the game starts. "I miss him so much."

"I know." Jaemin nods in understanding, bringing their enjoined hands on his lap as he puts his other hand over Renjun's to rub them comfortingly. "We just have to get through the game, yeah? And then we'll talk to Jeno."

"Yeah, I know they'll win. It's Jeno, after all."

The fourth quarter is down to its last two minutes and Renjun's throat fucking hurts from cheering for Jeno all three quarters.

In the first quarter, Jeno acquired ten points and a lot of steals that really hurt the opponent's pride. Although it's not really his job, Jeno has had a couple of blocks and some assists here and there. Because of his stepping up in the first quarter, the opponent has made their adjustments on their play and decided that they will close in on Jeno to stop him from scoring or stealing further.

Which isn't good, because Jeno suffers from both offensive and defensive fouls. He's one foul away from being fouled out which is _really_ bad for the team.

For the first three quarters, it's not surprising that Jaemin and Renjun has had some _colorful_ words to say to the opposing team and to the referee when they think a call is incorrect. But what do they know, really? They're quite biased.

And because of their passionate outrage and cheers, Jeno has indeed seen them in the crowd. It's mostly just glances, because he still has to focus on the game and it seems like he's checking if he isn't seeing things and they're actually there cheering for him with a banner. Once, during the halftime he catches Jeno staring at them with a straight face. He can't quite pinpoint how he feels about that.

He hopes it's good though.

The scores are tied too, 64-64 and it's the last two minutes. He hasn't watched a lot of basketball games but he knows that these following minutes are very crucial. The Meju team has called for their final time out and they're discussing the next plays. He can't hear it, but with the way the basketball coach points at Jeno, he knows that Jeno has a huge responsibility to bear.

"I'm so nervous!" Jaemin says through the thundering of drums and the roaring of school cheers, it's loud so he has to scoot nearer to him and half-shout in his ear. He's starting to understand why people enjoy sports. There's just _something_ about cheering wildly for a game that brings you pride. "It looks like they're going to let Jeno make the winning shot here."

"Yeah," Renjun agrees, biting on the inside of his cheeks as the referee blows the whistle⏤a sign that the game is starting again. "He's their best three-point shooter, after all."

"I know he can do it." Jaemin blurts and Renjun isn't disagreeing to that.

That's the thing about Jeno, he's always reliable, he knows his weaknesses and asks for help to improve in them. But when it comes to the things that he's good at, the things that he knows he's an expert on⏤he always does them exceptionally well.

Jeno has always done basketball exceptionally well.

The team files back to the court, men assembling into their planned positions as the clock begins to tick. Every second counts, and every member of the team knows this.

The ball isn't in their court yet, so they have to defend this time. Jeno can try and steal, but with him backing away from the ball and letting the other teammates block and try to pull off a defense, it looks like the coach is aiming for something else.

He’s not really sure when he started to get a firm grip of basketball, but hearing Jeno talk about it and watching him play has given him some knowledge. He has some idea what’s going on.

The game is on, the seconds are dripping away and the other team makes a score. Two points.

64-66.

They have to score a three-point shot to win, or score a two-point shot to extend the game to an overtime. But the players are already tired, and an overtime game can turn the tables around completely.

They need a three-pointer.

They need Jeno.

Their banner has been forgotten on the floor, torn and tattered from how much they have been waving it around during the first half. Now, they're holding hands like they're the ones who bear the responsibility of the game on their shoulders.

Jeno's gesturing something to his teammates, and the game is definitely on.

There's one more minute left on the clock, the drums are thundering and the cheers of the crowd are deafening. The ball moves from player to player, passing in quick succession until they have found their positions.

Jeno has found his position at the three point line but the ball is nowhere near his vicinity. Two members from the opposing team are closing in on their point guard, the one they assume that's going to take the shot because of how long he has been holding on to the ball on the other end of the three point line.

There's ten seconds in the clock, and the ball _isn't_ moving. Until it is.

As if time has slowed down, their team's point guard passes the ball to Jeno over the heads and hands of the opponents double-teaming him. With the entire world on the edge of their seats, Jeno catches the ball in his hands. There's three seconds left, Renjun feels like his heart is going to fall out of his ass when Jeno shoots the ball on the three-point line.

The commentator's voice booms through the speakers as the buzzers sound. "Three points for Lee Jeno! Meju Bay High is going to the championships!"

If euphoria is a place, it would be tonight's Meju Bay High. The school has other sports teams, like Donghyuck's baseball team, and the football team among many others. However, it's only the basketball team that has advanced this much through the competitions. The school pride is definitely blossoming.

Which is why it has been a struggle to try to get to Jeno tonight.

Every single student, every single faculty and every single member of the administration wants to give him a pat on the back and congratulate him for tonight's win. Knowing Jeno, even though so much of it is because of his hardwork and dedication on the court, he'll probably deflect the praises and tell them it's a team effort.

But he's the fucking star of the show, taking front and center despite not being team captain. They have tried to reach him as soon as the game ended but they didn't expect the influx of people and the team coming together to celebrate.

He's almost starting to wonder if it's a bad idea.

Jaemin doesn't let him think like that for too long, though.

"We'll get to him tonight." Jaemin assures him, wrapping his arms around him as they wait outside the gym. People are already starting to go home, the adrenaline is beginning to dwindle but he knows it's going to come back if and when they win the championship games. For now, people have celebrated enough and it's time to rest.

Renjun allows himself to be enveloped in Jaemin's hug, his warmth brings Renjun a sense of comfort⏤a sense of assurance that everything is going to be alright when they're together.

He wants that feeling to come into fruition, too.

They stand together, talking about the game and anything and whatever. The silence is filled with fond conversations, and it feels like he has everything in the world. He doesn't though, and that's what they're both waiting on. Jaemin has been playing with his fingers and Renjun finds himself not minding it. No matter how small his ministrations are, it still gives Renjun so many butterflies.

They wait until there are no more audiences going out of the gym, they wait until the faculties have gone and the team are all left in the gym. It's a familiar scene for Renjun, and the amount of times that he has waited for Jeno to talk to him in the privacy of their aloneness.

But the scene, with the three of them in this same spot, reminds Renjun of _that_ night. He can only hope and put trust that it will all go well in the end.

After all, shouldn't they put some trust in the people around them?

He isn't sure how long they've stood there just talking, he's lost track of time waiting with Jaemin and he doesn't think it's a bad thing at all.

And then, the gym doors open.

It reveals the jovial basketball team, and Jaemin, as gregarious as he is, makes sure to exclaim his congratulations to team. Upon seeing him, the team erupts into laughter and they automatically meet him in the middle to give him a high five. It's always Jaemin who loves people, always Jaemin that love congratulating and sharing affection⏤which is something he seems to have an unlimited supply of. That's just one of his many charms.

Among the faces of the 12-membered team though, there's only person that they want to see⏤only one person they want to congratulate.

There's Jeno, his hair unruly as he has discarded the headband and his cheeks are still red from today's exertion.

When he sees them with his team members, he visibly freezes in his spot.

Renjun smiles at him, tentatively, carefully⏤as if not wanting to break the moment.

It's Jaemin that breaks the moment, though. "Jeno!" He exclaims, the team parting to give him space. The team has known about his little (not very little, really) crush on Jaemin and they know that he's very good friends with Renjun, so he figures that this sight isn't very shocking to the team.

However, Jeno seems _very_ surprised. He would be too, if he's in Jeno's shoes.

"Hey guys, can I steal Jeno a bit from you for tonight? I'm sure you guys are celebrating⏤we just wanted to congratulate him too. Won't be long, I promise." Jaemin asks smoothly, his charm working easily and _just like that_ the team is hauling Jeno to them. Practically manhandling him to stand next to them.

"Go get it, Jen! You deserve it. Let us know if you still want to come to the celebration." One of the boys jeers, squeezing Jeno on the shoulder and more follows after that. Renjun feels embarrassed.

Will Jeno really ditch the team for them tonight? It's not that he's hoping for that, but it's really a good thought... if all ends well, that is.

Jeno stands next to them awkwardly as the team leaves.

And just like all those times before, then there are three.

Jeno clears his throat, looking at his shoes as he kicks at the floor. "Thank you for coming to the game."

"You did amazing, Jeno." Jaemin says with the biggest smile on his face. This makes Jeno look up from his shoes, confused.

Renjun follows up quickly, heart beating in his throat. He's really talking to Jeno again, and with Jaemin too. "Really! You did so well, I almost had a heart attack when you pulled off that buzzer beater. You're fucking incredible."

Jeno tries to suppress the smile by sucking his cheeks in, but it doesn't work, because he's smiling now⏤crescent eyes appearing once more. It has been so long since Renjun saw him smile like this, and it makes his heart ache just a little.

A lot, really. His heart aches a lot.

Jeno, never been good with compliments, only smiles and lets silence occupy them for a while. From behind, Jaemin grabs Renjun's hand⏤a signal that Jaemin is going to go for it and tell him the truth. It's only fitting that Jaemin speaks first, he has all the right to speak first.

"Jeno, I want to tell you that whatever you did, I've forgiven you and there is no need to beat yourself up over the things I overheard... Renjun told me everything, told me the truth and it's all I need to hear. You don't have to explain anything to me anymore."

Jeno blinks a few times. "You're okay with... all that? With the fact that I asked Renjun to write you that secret admirer letter and talk with you through text because I'm too much of a dweeb to do it myself?"

Jeno is truly apologetic, and Renjun can hear it in the cracks of his voice. He just wants to hug him. But for now, he listens and allows them to talk. It's a long overdue conversation, after all.

Jaemin laughs, reaches his free hand out to cup Jeno's cheeks. Instantly, Jeno melts against his palm. "You're not a dweeb, silly. It's cute, and I appreciate that you went through all that for me. But, even if you didn't, even if you approached me as your silly little self, I think I would still like you the same."

"But," Jaemin adds, "I'm thankful that you did that, actually, because you made me get to know Renjun better too. I wanted to be friends with him for some time but never really had the chance or the courage too. So, thank you, Jeno... because you brought the three of us together."

Jeno looks at him, eyes brimming with tears but he's not going to cry. Renjun knows that much. "Thank you, Jeno." He manages to get out once he's swallowed much of the lump in his throat. "Because you helped me get to know Jaemin through you, and I got to know you too through all that. If not for you, I wouldn't have had the best experiences of my life."

He's so full of feelings, and he almost wants to combust. He hasn't really experienced the intense urge to kiss someone until recently. And, really now, it's all he wants to do.

He wants to stop talking and kiss them senseless. But of course, words will always be clearer than actions.

"I... I need to tell you guys my truth too..." Jeno says, inhales then exhales.

Jaemin nods. "You can tell us anything, Jeno. I won't be mad, I'm sure Renjun won't be either."

And to that, Renjun nods.

"The thing is... I really like you, Jaemin. I like you so much that I do a lot of stupid things. I like you so much that I want to impress you and put my best foot forward. But, at the same time, as I... became friends with Renjun, I started to like him too. I thought that it'll be nothing, because⏤Renjun knows I like Jaemin, and how can I like two people at the same time, right?"

Renjun smiles to himself, next to him, he can see Jaemin's smile in his peripheral vision.

"And then... Renjun confessed, and I've just been thinking so much about it and... Jaemin, I like you⏤but I like Renjun too... I'm so sor⏤"

"Jeno," Jaemin cuts him off, their eyes now on him, "don't apologize for that. Please, don't. It's complicated, I know but... I like Renjun too, I like Renjun like I like you."

Jeno looks at Renjun, as if he's looking for confirmation and Renjun nods as an answer.

Renjun holds back his smile, but fails. "You like me, too?"

It takes a moment, maybe more, Renjun can't count the rate of his heartbeat in that stillness where they just look at each other in varying levels of perplexity and obvious excitement at what this confession poses.

"I like you too." Jeno repeats, and he knows it's cheesy, but it does sound like music to his ears.

And then, Jeno is laughing⏤throwing his head back kind of laughter that causes him to sound almost hysterical. "Holy shit," he curses, which shocks both Jaemin and Renjun, "you both like each other and? I like the both of you too? The three of us like each other? Am I dreaming?"

"You're not." Renjun assures him, finally taking a step closer to Jeno. "Jaemin and I talked about it first... and we were wondering, hoping that you felt the same too."

"To be fair," Jaemin says, "I told him that I had a feeling that you liked him too. And that it's going to work out in the end. It did, didn't it?"

Jeno stares at them, his smile never leaving his face as he looks at them. He's digesting everything, and it's okay if he takes all his time⏤it's okay if he takes a couple of days to get used to it and they're not going to pressure him.

"I really want to hug the both of you now⏤maybe kiss a little⏤" Jeno blurts, and before he can even say anything, Jaemin has pulled Renjun along with him to hug Jeno.

Jeno is sandwiched between them. He's trying his best to wrap his arms around them too but they're hugging him too tightly for him to move anywhere.

His heart is bursting with a kind of joy he hasn't experienced before. The newness of everything that's being laid out in front him is making his stomach flutter. He has never been in a relationship, he's so inexperienced⏤he hasn't even kissed someone but he's looking forward to experiencing all of the with Jeno and Jaemin.

Jaemin pulls away first, a mischievous smile on his face. "So, you want to kiss?"

When Renjun turns to look, Jaemin is suggestively raising his brow at Jeno and Jeno is blushing profusely.

His voice trembling, Jeno speaks. "H-here? Now?"

Renjun can only hide his face against Jeno's shoulder. Is he really going to have his first kiss today?

Jaemin reaches out to pat Renjun on his cheek. Renjun looks up at him. "If Renjun wants to?"

Jeno turns to Renjun this time, his eyes shining as if he has just remembered something. What he says next confirms that he has indeed remembered something. "Is it okay, Junnie? It'll be your first kiss... after all..."

Renjun swallows. "Yeah, I'd love that."

Jaemin lets go of them, and crosses his arms over his chest. "Really?" There's that grin again, all his teeth on display and Renjun feels like a prey backed against a corner. "We have to make it special then. What do you want to do, Renjun?"

What does he want to do? He isn't sure. He's read a lot of books about kissing, about how the first kiss is this one magical moment that will change everything. But he knows reality isn't like that, so he shouldn't have high expectations⏤but he doesn't know what he wants. He doesn't even know what to do.

His cheeks heating up with a flush, Renjun blurts out his idea. "I want to watch you guys kiss first... and then, I'll decide what I want to do."

The proposal finally brings some embarrassment to Jaemin's expression, obviously taken aback. He did not consider that Renjun will suggest that. He looks very into it though.

"Oh," Jeno clears his throat, not realizing how the tables have turned so easily. "Okay. Cool. That's cool."

Now, Renjun doesn't think he'll ever enjoy other people kissing⏤doesn't think he'll find... a certain kind of pleasure from watching two other people kiss but ever since Jeno and Jaemin's first kiss, he has been having nagging thoughts about it.

And now, he's really going to see it happen.

Is it bad that he's kind of excited? He's not even being kissed.

"Well," Jaemin pulls Jeno closer to him. Renjun watches carefully, eyes peeled at every movement. His eyes follow the trails of Jaemin's hands, one rests on Jeno's waist as the other cups his jaw. The sight makes him breathless already. "I did miss making out with you, Jen."

 _Making out._ That image is entirely different, and Renjun has to blink hard to focus back on Jeno and Jaemin. Oh god, is this what he has signed himself up for? He doesn't think he'll ever be ready for anything.

Though, any kind of worry is washed away when he watches Jeno and Jaemin meet in the gentlest of kisses. It's better than he has imagined, and fireworks are going off in his brain as he watches their lips move in the tenderest way. Jeno's arms are wrapped around Jaemin's neck, tilting his head and following the pace that Jaemin has set.

It's so natural how they move together, how they've done this countless times in the past and Renjun is shy of his inexperience once more. It must feel fucking amazing because Jeno is practically falling into Jaemin's embrace. He can see and feel that they have missed each other so much, longed for each other's touch and presence and it puts Renjun in absolute awe.

They really like each other a lot. Is it really possible that they like him this much too?

He isn't given a lot of time to ponder that question though, because the next thing he knows, they're pulling away from each other in a giggling mess. With blushes dusting their cheeks and their lips slick with spit from the kissing, they turn to Renjun with the fondest smiles.

"So, Junnie. What do you think?" Jeno asks, his eyes seem to be shining under the dim lighting of the hallway. Or perhaps it's just because of the way Jaemin holds him. When he turns to look at Jaemin, he shares that similar dazed look.

He knows one thing, at least. "I want to kiss you." He says to Jeno, eyes filled with determination. "And then I want to kiss Jaemin." He always thought that saying something that he desires out loud will be embarrassing, but he doesn't feel any bit of shame at all. With the way they look at him, he knows that his desires are valid. He knows that his desires aren't shameful.

"That can be arranged." Jaemin grins, letting go of Jeno and then tugging Renjun in by the arm so that he can come closer.

He stumbles on his own two feet, laughing as he crash lands against Jeno who catches him in perfect timing. When he looks up, there's Jeno's face a couple of inches away from his own. It reminds him of that time when Jeno asked him if he wanted a kiss and he was so embarrassed. Now, he can confidently say that he wants a kiss from Jeno. _And Jaemin._

That's not being too greedy, is it?

"I haven't kissed anyone before." Renjun blabs mindlessly, eyes flitting from Jeno's lips then back up to his eyes.

"We know," Jaemin responds from behind him, his hand on the small of Renjun's back reminding him that he's watching them too, "there's no need to be nervous. Jeno's a damn good kisser, I can assure that."

"I saw." He replies wittingly, giggling a little but any hint of humor escapes him when Jeno's hand comes to cup his cheek.

He's only ever been close to Jeno as a friend, nothing more than that and always just as a friend. But now he's really looking into Jeno's eyes, a fondness in them that's reserved only for a lover. It's all a bit too much, but he wants to experience it all⏤he wants everything that has to do with romantic love.

Jeno takes his time, painstakingly does so. He brushes their noses together, and Renjun can feel his breath brush against his lips. Behind him, Jaemin's hand presses firmer on the small of his back.

He isn't even being kissed yet, but why does it feel so exciting already?

Renjun closes his eyes, it's the most natural thing to do at the moment. It's like an instinct he didn't know he has until now, until he actually has to use it. His arms are dangling awkward at his side, he doesn't know where to touch or how to hold Jeno but he remembers Jaemin holding Jeno by the waist. He mimics the action, blindly⏤his hands trembling as they come up to rest against Jeno's waist.

Faintly, he hears Jeno chuckle as he presses the tips of their noses together so that must mean it's a good thing. He squeezes at Jeno's waist, screwing his eyes shut this time as he waits for the pressure against his lips. He's teetering over the edge, and he just wants to take the leap and kiss Jeno because he can already feel the warmth of his lips radiating on his.

It comes to him in a soft peck.

It's Jeno who closes the distance, pressing their lips together for the briefest moments before he pulls away as quick as he had come. It comes too fast, he doesn't think he felt it correctly and he's about to open his eyes to complain but Jeno leans in again, and this time⏤kisses him for real.

Now, Renjun understands why people go crazy for kisses. He understands now why writers wax poetic about the moment of a first kiss. He understands now why it's such a big deal, why it's the climax of every romantic novel.

Jeno's lips are soft against his own. It takes a while before he can get used to the feeling, but Jeno is patient⏤his lips interchanging from moving carefully like feather light brushes to firm kisses where he catches Renjun's lip between his own.

Renjun kisses him back, breath hitching as he mirrors Jeno's actions. He tilts his head up to push back against Jeno, craning his neck with much effort to chase more of what Jeno can give.

He can feel Jeno smile into the kiss when he starts moving on his own.

It feels like an eternity when they pull away to breathe, but it also feels like it passes by too quickly for Renjun's liking.

"How do you feel?" He hears Jeno ask, his eyes fluttering his eyes open when he hears his voice. "Okay?"

Renjun doesn't realize his eyes are a bit watery from the exhilaration. _And it's just kissing._

"Good, very good." Renjun says with a nod, finding his knees wobbly so he holds onto Jeno even more firmly. "Was that okay?"

"Definitely." Jeno guarantees him with the kindest smile. "Not bad for a first timer."

"Jeno," Renjun groans, but he can't whine for too long because there's Jaemin tugging on the back of his shirt.

"Cool review," he says with a grin, eyes shamelessly darting down at Renjun's lips. "I, too, would like to try some Renjun kisses."

If he thinks too much about it, he'll start to become embarrassed. He's really kissing _boys_ in the school hallway where the CCTV cameras can expose them⏤where anyone can catch them in the act red-handed but with the way Jaemin is looking at him, he can't even bother to think about being embarrassed.

Jaemin grabs him by the hips, a force and strength that Renjun didn't feel with Jeno. It's as thrilling as Jeno's gentle touches, though.

"You're killing me." Renjun whines, swallowing hard as Jaemin presses their foreheads together.

Jeno chuckles from beside them, brushing a stray strand of hair away from Renjun's face as Jaemin draws him nearer. He should be used to the attention from Jeno and Jaemin, but in this different light, everything feels so new⏤like he's dipping his feet in cold water for the first time.

"He kind of always does that." Jeno comments and Jaemin rolls his eyes at him.

"Just tell me if it's too much, okay? I've been wanting to kiss you too. I'll try to be gentle."

Renjun nods wordlessly, repeating his actions and resting his hands on Jaemin's waist. Jaemin holds him differently than Jeno. There's a hand on the back of his neck, and another cupping his jaw so that his head is tilted upwards. Jaemin kisses very straightforwardly, because Renjun feels the tip of Jaemin’s tongue brush against his upper lip, parting them very lightly before he captures it in between his lips.

Yeah, Jaemin is going to kill him.

Renjun decides that it’s the correct choice to ask Jeno to kiss him first, because now, at least he has some experience to keep up with Jaemin. He understands now why Jeno practically looks like he’s melting into Jaemin when they kiss because _that_ is exactly how it feels. Jaemin burns him all over, from where their lips are connected and down to the tips of his toes, and he just _lets_ him.

He responds to Jaemin’s kisses, moving his lips in time with Jaemin’s movements. Jaemin’s lips are hot, like the rest of him and Renjun can’t get enough. He doesn’t get a gentle peck, but instead he receives kisses with intention. Jaemin pulls away a little, their upper lips brushing when he does and it’s almost primal how Renjun chases after him. It’s almost as if it’s exactly what Jaemin has planned.

There’s an intense emotion when their lips meet for the second time, Renjun’s fingers curl on the material of Jaemin’s shirt and tugs him forward. Unbeknownst to them, Renjun has been wanting to kiss Jaemin too⏤and all the pent-up emotion is escaping through the gaps of his fingers the more he held them in. Now, Renjun freely lets go. With every touch of their lips and every delicate brush of Jaemin’s tongue against his mouth, Renjun feels like a lick of flame is engulfing him.

It’s inexplicably thrilling.

He can feel Jeno’s hand on the small of his back, replacing where Jaemin’s hand was earlier when he was kissing Jeno. He knows that only Jaemin is kissing him now, but it feels like he’s being kissed by Jaemin _and_ Jeno at the same time.

Renjun isn’t very sure if he can take more of this, but what he knows is that⏤he wants more when it’s with them.

When Jaemin pulls away from him, Renjun has half the mind to not chase him again. He blinks his eyes open, pressing his lips together as he still feels the ghost of their kisses lingering on his nerves. His heart still jackrabbits in his chest and he’s pretty sure that he’s as red as a tomato. 

“See? I was gentle. He made it out alive.” Jaemin jokes, patting Renjun on the cheek and Renjun bats him away.

Mindlessly, Renjun lets his mouth run. His brain is still digesting what has just happened and the filter isn’t really working well. “I can’t believe I just kissed boys on school property.” 

It’s Jaemin that laughs first, which mingles with Jeno’s low laughter as he wraps an arm around his waist. “You did, and we can spend the rest of the school year doing it⏤if you want.” Jeno teases.

Now, sometimes, Renjun despises the fact that he has a wild imagination. It’s easy for images to come to mind, and now he’s thinking about kissing Jeno and Jaemin, or either one of them in hidden staircases… maybe in the boy’s bathroom? Or in the janitor’s closet?

_Oh, god._

They are going to be the end of him, that he’s sure of. 

“Guys,” he groans, hiding his face against Jeno’s shoulder, “take me out on a date first, at least.”

Jaemin hums, leans forward and kisses him on the cheek. He really has to deal with being showered with intense affection now, huh? It’s going to take some getting used too, but he’s not complaining. He really likes it. “Okay, let’s go on a date after Jeno’s championship game? And then we can go to prom together. That’s a date, isn’t it?”

“But what if we lose the championship?” Jeno pouts.

“If you win or if you lose, you’ll still go out on a date with us so I think it’ll be a neat day either way?” Renjun says, raising his brow at Jeno. 

Jeno nods, smiles slowly. “Right. It will definitely be a neat day. Our first date.”

Jaemin then clears his throat, their attention turned to him now. “Not to break the moment but, I just want to know⏤do I have two boyfriends now?”

_Does Renjun have two boyfriends now?_

Jeno loosens his grip on Renjun to pinch Jaemin on the cheek. “That’s not very romantic of you, Jaeminnie. I thought you would be smoother than that.”

Jaemin shrugs, lets Jeno squish his cheek. “I wanted to be, but it felt like the perfect moment to ask. So can I brag that I managed to pull not only one but _two_ cute boys?” 

Renjun wants to shrink in on himself. He really has two boyfriends now. It’s a concept that he’ll keep on having to remind himself of. But with Jeno and Jaemin around him, he doesn’t think that it’ll take a lot for him to remember it⏤to get used to it. “Does that mean I also have two boyfriends now?”

They turn to him, fond smiles unchanging in their faces. “You do,” they say in almost perfect unison, causing them to fall over in giggles again. 

“Okay. Two boyfriends then.” For someone who’s good with words, Renjun finds it hard to talk about how he feels now. He finds it hard how to talk about all this but maybe that’s okay. Maybe it’s okay to be speechless because of how _full_ and _happy_ he feels. 

“Two boyfriends.” Jeno repeats. “It sounds good to me.”

“It does.”

“Me too.”

  
  
  


University has been kicking Renjun's ass.

He tries to keep up with his class schedule, the readings, the essays and his part-time job at the nearby café. It gets hard and the road to his dreams are tough but he wanted this, this is his dream and he isn't giving up.

It's been almost a full semester since he graduated from high school. He majors in Literature and minors in Design, he has a full scholarship that pays for most of his fees and he has a part-time job to help with the living costs. He has been living away from home for half a year but he has been in constant contact with his mother and perhaps the best part of it all, Donghyuck is his roommate as he’s in the university on a baseball scholarship. Life can’t get any better.

Actually, it can. 

Life is good with him, but it can get better because now⏤he lives far from his boyfriends too. Jeno has a scholarship on basketball varsity, and Jaemin is in pre-med just as he originally wanted. Studying in different universities with different majors means that there’s less time for them to talk and even less time to actually meet. But it’s okay, they make do.

And with three, they can do anything. 

They take turns visiting each other’s universities. During the last break they had, Jaemin and Renjun went over to Jeno’s university to hang out for the long weekend. It’s especially hard for Jaemin to find a break time because of how busy his class schedule is, so they always make the best of the time they have.

Distance is a hard obstacle to get through, but when the three of them are reunited once again⏤when the three of them are alone again, it feels just like home.

So, even if university is kicking Renjun’s ass, it’s all worth it. 

This morning, Renjun had a report and dealt with a handful of annoying customers but he didn’t mind it at all. Everything is going to be good.

And they are, because he runs up to his dorm room, and opens the door to reveal his boyfriends sitting by his bed. 

“You smell like coffee.” Jaemin greets with his megawatt smile as Renjun stands in the doorway with an equally huge smile. “Yummy.”

Jeno rolls his eyes at Jaemin. “Hi, Renjunnie. Donghyuck let us in and he said he’ll be out for the rest of the day so⏤” 

“Can I please get a hug? Or two?” Renjun interjects, closing the door behind him and finally breathing out his sigh of his relief. “I really need it.”

In no less than two seconds, two pairs of arms are wrapped against him with comforting words whispered in his ears. In no less than a minute, he’s being manhandled to bed with two grown men all over him, peppering him with more kisses than he can ever ask for. He hasn’t even told them about his day⏤he just needed to ask for a hug and they already know what he _really_ needs.

And like this, with their limbs tangled together in his small bed that’s definitely not enough to fit three⏤Renjun knows that he is loved and he is _home._

**Author's Note:**

> i had a hard time beginning this fic because i didn't want to make it too similar to the movie but at the same time, i want to stick to the prompt? so i hope that this 30k madness gave justice to the plot! thank you to the prompter for such a lovely prompt, i really loved the movie and cried to it so i was eager to claim the prompt. i hope that like the movie, you'll come to like this story too!
> 
> this has also become the longest fic i've ever written to date... im going to cry now. thank you for reading, everyone!


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